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Note from Art: Warning…today’s post is highly sarcastic.
The bookshelves and blog posts are filled with great advice on how to lead effectively, yet, mostly what I hear in workshops and classrooms are the stories of the lousy habits of Grade A Jerks. Since there are clearly many people who aspire to this lofty level in the world of Jerks, I thought I would make your job just a bit easier by offering up this starter list.
14 Ideas to Help Establish Yourself as a Grade A Jerk of a Boss:
1. Show up 10 minutes late to your first team meeting. After all, they work for you. They’ll wait.
2. Introduce yourself to the team and talk mostly about what makes you special enough to be in charge.
3. Offer: “There’s a new sheriff in town and starting today I’m the law.”
4. Indicate that you’ll be meeting with everyone to “assess their situation.”
5. Start giving people nicknames because you think they’ll enjoy that.
6. When someone asks you a question, answer: “That’s important, and we should talk about it at the right time.” (This one works for a few months until they catch on that it’s never the right time.)
7. Cut people off in mid-sentence to make certain you get your point across. People are waiting for your words of wisdom and don’t mind if you interject.
8. Announce an “open door” policy, and then make certain to keep your door closed most of the time.
9. Single out the superstars and shower them with public praise and attention. They love it and everyone enjoys basking in their greatness.
10. Show your extreme displeasure for someone in public. This shows everyone you have a temper and aren’t afraid to use it.
11. Plan to give a motivational speech every week. Groups love those from their managers.
12. Immediately assume that most of what is going on is wrong…and make people prove the value of their priorities. After all, people like face-time with the boss.
13. When things go wrong, make certain to sacrifice to someone. Your bold action to “solve the problem” will be appreciated by your boss.
14. Success is clearly an outcome of your deft leadership and super-normal management skills. Don’t be shy about guiding the spotlight to shine on you. Your team will enjoy the glow from their great leader.
Master just a few of these habits and you’ll surely succeed in quickly establishing yourself as a Grade A Jerk. If your aspirations run towards the other end of the spectrum, these might be good behaviors to avoid!
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An ideal book for anyone starting our in leadership: Practical Lessons in Leadership by Art Petty and Rich Petro.
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