Enjoy Being Part of the Gang? Better Not Lead.
Filed under: Career, Leadership, Leadership Skills, Life and Business, Making Decisions, Management Education, Middle Management, Professional Growth, Your Professional Development "To Do" List
One of the rude awakenings for leaders promoted from within a team is the uncomfortable recognition that the easy camaraderie of the pre-promotion days immediately gives way to an awkward distancing of relationships.
Congratulations on your promotion. Oh, and you’re no longer part of the gang!
I’ve counseled early career leaders on this topic and one of the most difficult parts of their transition from team member to team leader is the sudden feeling of loneliness.
“I’m still the same person,” they tell me emphatically. “I can separate work from the social discussions at lunch or over a beer after work,” they add.
“Yes you are,” and “No you cannot,” I respond.
The bad news is that close “out of work” relationships (let’s stop at friendships and skip the Pandora’s box of workplace romances for now) will also change. Maybe not immediately, but at some point, you will make a decision that will upset your friend(s) and the reality of your position will become painfully visible to all parties.
The good news is that you’ll go to lunch again…with your team members and also with your new peers. However, it will never be the same. As a leader, you are no longer part of the gang. That is as it should be.
Here are a few reasons why:
- You now have a vote…in some cases a big vote in the fortunes of your colleagues. From simple decisions on assignments and projects to large decisions on promotions and even terminations, you now have influence over the lives of your colleagues.
- See the point above. Everyone knows it.
- Your new role has very explicit responsibilities and a degree of objectivity is required for successful execution of your role.
- You must be comfortable supporting and coaching your team members, and that includes conducting tough discussions. While some might argue that this is what friends are for, let’s face it, it is remarkably awkward to have to tell your friend that her behavior is impacting her career and the output of the team and here’s how it needs to change.
- You need to earn respect and grow your credibility as a leader. That’s not happening at the bar after work or as you sit around and join the group commiseration over the bad habits of the boss. Hey, you’re the boss!
- You’ve taken a step in your career. Like leaving the comfort of high school and home for the foreign experience of college, you’ve embarked on a new journey for destinations unknown. Change is part of the equation.
The Bottom-Line:
I will reiterate that you can still find fun and cultivate effective professional relationships as a leader, and of course, you should. However, if this role is right for you, it’s necessary to leave behind some of the vestiges of your early career. One is being part of the gang.
As a postscript, it’s not uncommon to run into more experienced managers that still try to play the “Hey, I’m just a person here, not your boss” card, and it always smells rotten to me. Don’t believe them. I’ve known more than a few people that ended up on the wrong side of their “buddy’s” decision and wondered what hit them.
Want to command respect as a leader. Start acting like one from day one.
Leadership Caffeine: Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me When I First Became a Leader
Filed under: Career, Leadership, Leadership Caffeine, Leadership Skills, Life and Business, Management Education, Professional Growth, Your Professional Development "To Do" List
Note from Art: this one’s with a little help from my friends. I’ve been working a great deal with first-time leaders recently (my favorite groups!) and I posted a tweet to the extremely talented group of great people that I follow on Twitter asking what they wish someone would have told them when they started out in their leadership careers. Here are a few of their insightful thoughts with attribution, commingled with thoughts of my own.
Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me When I Became a Leader
One of the motivations in writing Practical Lessons in Leadership a couple of years ago was to take a stab at leaving behind that letter we all wish we would have received when we first became leaders. You know the letter…it’s the one that if we had read it and actually followed the advice, we might have short-circuited a few years of learning things the hard way.
The short-story on what my letter to early career leaders includes:
- Not everyone should lead. It’s OK to be an individual contributor, although you will still need to develop and draw on your leadership skills to succeed.
- You need to realize sooner than later that your role as a leader is about creating the environment and providing the support for others to do great things and prosper.
- Leading is hard work. As one wise man indicated, it’s a profession, with a body of knowledge waiting to be discovered.
- Credibility is your most valuable currency as a professional and a leader. Everything you do must reinforce your credibility.
- Treat everyone with respect. All of the time. No exceptions.
- Leading is all about everyone but you. Get over yourself.
- You’ll spend too much time with the wrong people. Focus on the people that want to grow, develop and succeed.
- The highest respect you can pay someone is to truly pay attention by supporting their development.
And from some of my colleagues on Twitter
-From: @GinaAbudi on influence and communication:
“Even as a leader you STILL must be able to influence others effectively.”
On communication: (paraphrased): Keep your communication open.
-From @DavidWLocke on the power of a thank you
“Years ago, I almost fell over when an engineer thanked me for working on his project.”
-From @wallybock:
“I wish I knew the importance of role models and mentors.”
“People in my classes talk about skills they wish they had or knew to get training in. The most desired skill clusters were (in order) talking to team members about performance/behavior and dealing with the boss.”
-From @mjasmus
“I wish I knew that the people part of leading would be the most complex, messy and difficult.”
I wish I knew that leading isn’t about the push. It’s more about the pull.”
-From @rseres
“Leadership is not about control.”
“As a leader, you don’t have to have all the answers.”
-From @SherpaDe
“Good listening is a skill to be taken seriously.”
“Learn to ask great questions and stay curious.”
–
Some smart, experienced people with great advice for early career leaders! Thanks to all.
The Bottom Line
If you are an experienced leader with responsibility for supporting the development of leaders around you, remember to pay forward the lessons that you’ve learned over time and frequently learned the hard way.
While we will all have our own unique leadership experiences, we owe it to the next generation to do everything in our power to help them along. Never mind that no one was there to help you. You’ve learned that you are better than that.
And for those of you embarking on your leadership careers, read, listen and learn. Oh, and while you are at it, heed Wally’s advice and seek a role model or mentor. There are more than a few experienced leaders out there happy to help you along your journey.
Leadership Caffeine: Strengthen Your Leadership Foundation
Filed under: Career, Leadership, Leadership Caffeine, Leadership Skills, Life and Business, Management Education, Performance, Professional Growth, Talent Management, Values, Your Professional Development "To Do" List
The best leaders in my opinion are guided by a strong sense of duty and responsibility. The individuals that succeed in motivating, inspiring and even changing the lives and careers of others operate with an underlying philosophical foundation that they draw upon to remain focused and steadfast in pursuing their daily activities.
Everyone else sort of wanders through the leadership woods, reacting more on instinct than acting as if they are being guided by a stronger sense of purpose and duty.
First-time leaders wander a great deal, often because they are thrust into the very difficult role of a leader without much more than a pat on the back and a disingenuous “let me know if you need any help.” Others get a two-day training class and a binder of materials that sit on the shelf in their offices for the next few years.
Mid-career leaders that survived those awkward first few years often settle into a pattern that includes guiding people on tasks and managing to minimize their own personal risk.
In both cases, the cost to our organizations is huge in real and in psychic terms. Floundering first-time leaders create tremendous disruption and take a significant toll on the unwitting victims around them. Mid-manager malaise sucks the energy and life out of a team and entire organizations, resulting in an employee culture where everyone seems to be walking around with their feet encased in concrete.
Unfortunately, I see far more concrete-encased teams and managers and floundering first-time leaders than those guided by a clear sense of duty and responsibility. I also hear from a lot of people that are caught up in those traps seeking a way out.
The good news is that many express a desire to change. First-time leaders would rather succeed than flail and a great number of people that have had the leadership life sucked out of them would like to renew and re-energize their careers.
One of the activities that I encourage those interested in changing and improving is to craft some form of personal philosophical statement that will guide and serve as a frequent reminder as to their true role. I have my own, and I call it The Leader’s Charter.
I’ve written about this before. It’s one of those topics and one of those important tools that bears repeating. The Charter helps remind me of my True North as a leader and allows me to align my priorities properly when I feel them drifting in the face of the urgent-unimportant. My version reads as follows:
Art’s Personal Leader’s Charter:
My primary role as a leader is to create an environment that:
Facilitates high individual and team performance against company and industry standards
Supports and promotes innovation in processes, programs and approaches
Encourages collaboration where necessary for objective achievement
And…
Promotes the development of my associates in roles that leverage their talents and interests and that challenge them to new and greater accomplishments.
I developed this as a younger leader and refined it over time based on my own experiences…both the successes and the failures. The words are noble and the thoughts lofty, but every word and phrase has a very distinct meaning for me in my leadership life.
I anchor on creating the effective environment as a core priority; never lose track of the fact that my firm is looking for performance and innovation and last and most important of all, I remind myself that my highest and best use is to help others develop.
The Charter has served me well.
Perhaps you know someone that is earnest in their desire to improve and hungry for something that will give context to their activities as a leader. Encourage them or help them create their own Charter. Use mine or parts of mine if it fits, or create something new from the ground up.
And when you or they are finished, put the charter in a place of prominence to both remind you of your role and priorities but also to show others how you view your role and what they can expect from you as a leader.
The words are important but of course, they are the easy part. The real payoff comes in striving to live up to Your Leader’s Charter.
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