A series of articles with fewer than 500 words to help you strengthen your communication effectiveness!
You’re Not Archeologists—Look Forward in Challenging Feedback Conversations
One of the tripping points of so many challenging workplace conversations—especially feedback conversations—is the preoccupation with the past. Because we all remember things just a bit differently, it’s imperative to avoid endlessly debating prior events and instead focus on outcomes and ideas to strengthen these outcomes moving forward. (FYI, thanks to Dr. Marshall Goldsmith for his great article on feed-forward.)
The Presentation that Confused
One example, after observing your team member’s presentation and the audience’s reaction:
During your presentation this morning, the questions suggested that people were unclear about what you were asking them to do. Your next group presentation is scheduled for tomorrow. How will you leverage today’s experience and adjust your presentation?
Or,
For today’s presentation, did you achieve the results you intended?
And: What did you learn from the audience’s reaction to your proposal that you can use to strengthen your message and materials for the next presentation?
The Executive Who Lost His Cool:
In another situation working with an executive who lost his cool during a contentious meeting with his peers, there was no need to rehash the behavior in detail. He knew what he had done wrong. I did ask him, “How do you perceive your approach impacted your effectiveness at that moment?” Then, the focus was on finding a way to do a better job the next time he encountered disagreement.
When you sense your peers aren’t supporting your ideas, what strategies might you employ to keep from losing your temper?
We designed a process that allowed him to derail his temper in the moment.
And
How might you adjust your communication approach to strengthen your effectiveness the next time you encounter resistance to your ideas?
For this question, our focus was on understanding that the skilled communicator understands persuasion is a process and not a single-step activity. Instead of growing frustrated without gaining support immediately, the executive understood his goal was first to gain their attention and interest.
The Bottom Line for Now:
Preoccupying on the past in feedback conversations generates stress. Instead, focus on leveraging experiences and outcomes to design for improved effectiveness in the future. It’s a subtle shift generally prompted by the right questions. Instead of the debate, your focus is on the design!
