Feedback is a complicated topic. We lament that our managers are either not good at giving it or don’t give it frequently enough. When we get feedback that challenges us to adjust our behaviors to improve our performance, we grow frustrated, angry, or both.

As Walt Kelley said via his cartoon character, “I have seen the enemy, and he is us.” Here are some tips you can adopt immediately to do a better job on the feedback-receiving part of the equation.

Tips and Tactics for Strengthening as a Receiver of Feedback

1. Accept that you have blind spots and need help from others to see them clearly

Quoting the late great Peter Drucker, “Most people think they know what they are good at. They are usually wrong. More often, people know what they are not good at—and even then, more people are wrong than right.

Get over yourself. The image you see in the mirror isn’t what others see.

2. You own finding the pearl of insight or wisdom in the muck

In the fabulous book Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, the authors reference our responsibility as feedback receivers to find the pony in even the biggest dung piles of muddled messages that come our way. I would rather look for the pearl in the muck, but we’re saying the same thing.

If you care about your learning and growth, it’s imperative to sift or dig through the mottled, muddled, mutilated, sugar-coated feedback in search of what the other party sees.

Your curiosity and your questions are key here. Seek to understand.

You have the agency to accept it or not, but the commitment to searching and striving to know what you see is an important part of your growth journey.

3. Know your feedback triggers and develop plans to manage them.

Stone and Heen share three key triggers that distract our brains in feedback settings. These include:

  • Truth Triggers—our different view of the truth
  • Relationship Triggers—how we view the feedback giver
  • Identity Triggers—whether the input challenges our sense of self

We tend to adopt a fight-or-flight approach if one or more of these are triggered. Instead of having a skillful discussion, we get defensive or go on offense.

Learn to recognize what triggers you and develop a plan to calm the noise in your head. I love the late Dr. Mark Goulston’s “Active Reset” process outlined in Just Listen. My colleague, Tanya Chavez, offers a great tip as well via this video on LinkedIn.

The Bottom-Line for Now:

Your growth is your responsibility. You need input. Actively seek out input on you with the intensity of a world-class athlete. While you will have to cut through a lot of noise in search of clear insights, it’s worth the effort. Starting today, focus on improving as a receiver of feedback. Did I mention that your growth is your responsibility?

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Art’s Manager Development and Senior Manager programs incorporate extensive coaching for challenging workplace situations, including feedback. Additionally, Art regularly runs corporate programs on Succeeding with Challenging Conversations. E-mail Art to discuss a program for your group.