In approximately 800 hours of executive and manager coaching each year, the one issue that arises in almost every call is a communication challenge. CEOs are struggling with tough conversations with board members. Vice-Presidents don’t seem to have the ear of the CEO or are frustrated trying to engage with peers. Managers are frustrated with certain team members, and just about every person has someone they struggle to get along with in the organization, including their manager.
Running organizations and departments would be much easier if we didn’t have to work with others.
Of course, until AI morphs into RI (real intelligence, a great phrase I heard from a client), we’re stuck with each other.
Four Ideas to Improve Workplace Communication
1. If you are leading, create your communication rules for success
I’m a big fan of normalizing important behaviors, and what’s more important than achieving clear, timely communication, particularly on the tough issues facing teams and individuals?
In my article, Eliminate the Drama Storm — Write Your Team’s Rules for Success (with your team) at SmartBrief on Leadership, I share a process to collaborate on discussing and defining expectations for key behaviors. Challenge your team members to answer:
- How should we work together?
- What are our expectations when communicating with each other?
- What are our expectations for giving feedback? Receiving feedback?
- What does it look like for us to truly listen to each other?
And so on. Something fascinating happens when individuals on a team have a voice in defining their behaviors and expectations — they adopt and enforce those standards. And you gain a powerful coaching tool that helps eliminate the drama storm!
2. We communicate, but we don’t really connect. Change that.
Several years ago, John Maxwell wrote a book: Everyone Communicates, Few Connect — What the Most Effective People Do Differently. In 2024, Charles Duhigg released Supercommunicators — How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. Both focus on the same issue: connecting, with Duhigg offering quite a bit more depth on approaches backed by research. However, much of connecting is up to you.
- Pay attention to them and stop leading with what you need. Ask questions. Show curiosity about them in their lives.
- Choose words carefully. “I can see this is a challenging time for you. First, how can I help? And second, let me try next Wednesday at three or four for my topic. Which works better for you?”
- Or, “I know you were off skiing with the family last week, and I don’t want to add stress to your schedule. How was the skiing? And what is a good time to loop back when you won’t be under a catch-up crunch?”
- Compliment them. Seriously. Our brains are wired to love them. Share something that you took away from them during your last interaction. “I’ve been thinking about the last group meeting when you suggested we look at options. I think you are on the right track. I would love to help.”
And as Duhigg suggests, focus on uncovering the conversation they want to have before imposing yours. I love this one! Learn to recognize the type of conversation they desire, ranging from Just the facts (just business) to This is going to really stress our group (identity/emotions.) It’s essential to recognize and engage in their conversation to connect. Developing the art of bridging to yours is part of your job as well.
3. Design your conversations for a positive impact
Phil M. Jones, in his excellent, small sales-focused book Exactly What to Say, writes, “Throughout my studies of people, human relationships, and business interactions, I have been amazed by how some people achieve dramatically different results than others with what appear to be the same ingredients.”
Those ingredients are words and our delivery of them.
The best communicators I’ve worked with design conversations.
They pay attention to the unique meaning and potential impact of words and how they are delivered. They wield words with the skill of a surgeon. And their conversations are designed to embed respect, curiosity, and caring in their words. They approach solution development with the same design thinking, striving to collaborate to create outcomes that meet mutual interests.
My favorite recent reference on the artful and impactful use of words comes from Karin Hurt and David Dye in Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict. This is a resource you will turn to time and again for its fabulous listing of phrases and ideas for all manner of challenging workplace communications.
4. We’re lousy listeners — fix this!
I’m talking to you, not the person next to you.
Listening is hard work. It demands all of your faculties. Make it a game.
- Open your body language and lean in when others are talking.
- Shove your desire to create the answer before they’ve finished out of the way. Keep shoving by asking clarifying questions.
- Use Active Looping by repeating what they said in their exact words.
- Ask more questions as you strive to uncover why the topic is truly important to them.
One of my favorite listening hacks came from a workshop participant who suggested we all count to two when we think someone has stopped talking. Try it. Today.
The Bottom Line for Now
You can do much more, but that’s a great starter list with some solid resources. If you are leading, work with your team to set mutual expectations for communication effectiveness. As for the person staring back at you in the mirror, commit to connecting and start listening harder today.
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In Art Petty’s New(er) Manager Development Program, a great deal of time is focused on developing as great communicators. Learn more and register for an upcoming cohort.
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