If you work for a leader who practices what Goffee and Jones described in their HBR classic, “Why Should Anyone Be Led by You,” as Tough Empathy, you can expect to be on edge a good deal.

Respond well to this demanding but respectful leader’s style, and instead of teetering precariously on the bleeding edge of survival, you will be reaching constantly for the high performance edge. Read this leader incorrectly however, and you might be setting yourself up for a miserable experience.

There’s nothing group huggish and puppy dog warm about working for a leader who practices Tough Empathy. In contrast to a good deal of the leadership and management literature you run across, not every effective or inspirational leader is going to be good at small talk, show an intense interest in your outside activities or dress up in costumes and lead the charge around the building firing up the troops.  Often, their behaviors and their demeanor may be quite the opposite.

However, don’t confuse slightly aloof or highly intellectual with someone who doesn’t care intensely about your development and how your work impacts the team. Goffee and Jones viewed this style in a large number of highly successful “inspirational” leaders, and their definition of Tough Empathy, “giving people what they need, not what they want,” underscores the approach.

Four Things You Shouldn’t Expect from Tough Empathy Leaders:

1. Small talk or even a modicum of interest in your personal life.

2. Warmth.

3. Much that feels like praise.

4. “How to.”

Six Career Changing Behaviors You Can Expect from a Tough Empathy Leader:

1. Respect, including a deep, unspoken concern for you as a developing professional.

2. A hefty helping of constructive feedback without the bread (positive praise) that surrounds most feedback sandwiches.

3. The next challenge…and the next…and the next.

4. High performance expectations and an attitude that serves to constantly remind you that you can do better.

5. Extreme questioning. The questions teach you how to think.

6. Freedom to pursue your activities subject to frequent challenges on your approach or direction. Don’t expect the Tough Empathy Leader to micro-manage you, but do expect a lot of questions and challenges about your direction with assignments. The challenges are simply to assess how well you’ve thought through the situation at hand.

Five Success Skills Required When Working for a Tough Empathy Leader:

1. Change your expectations on the level of “warmth” you need from you boss. As the saying goes, “If you want unconditional love, get a dog.”

2. Learn to welcome the questions and challenges. Your gut reaction might be to feel that you are being second-guessed. Your gut is wrong. The questions and challenges are teaching and evaluation tools used liberally by Tough Empathy leaders.

3. Never wait to be told what to do. Don’t hesitate to dive in to your assignments once you’ve clarified objectives and expectations. You’re being evaluated on the quality of your questions as well.

4. Skip the excuses. The best way to piss off a Tough Empathy Leader is to attempt to explain  poor performance with lame excuses. Or, any excuses. Remember, this leader eats and breathes “accountability” and expects you to do the same. There’s room for a screw-up for the right reasons (striving, experimenting, pushing the performance edge), however, offer anything that resembles an excuse and expect to be professionally (and privately) eviscerated.

5. Judge your progress by your assignments. Don’t expect praise as a barometer of how you are doing. Look for praise in the form of your next challenging assignment. The Tough Empathy Leader votes with his/her continued investment in pushing you forward.

The Bottom-Line for Now:

We should all be so fortunate to work for a leader who cares enough to push us to be our absolute best. While the approach may not fit your preferred style, if you find yourself working for one of these characters, be smart enough to recognize the situation and to seize the opportunity to learn and grow.

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About Art Petty:

Art Petty is a Leadership & Career Coach helping motivated professionals of all levels achieve their potential. In addition to working with highly motivated professionals, Art frequently works with project teams in pursuit of high performance. Art’s second book, Leadership Caffeine-Ideas to Energize Your Professional Development, will be published in September of 2011.

Contact Art via e-mail to discuss a coaching, workshop or speaking engagement.