The formula is simple and the outcome is predictable. Treat people with respect and they will generally return the courtesy many times over.
The word “respect” just might work as the lone word in the world’s shortest chapter in the world’s shortest and most effective book on leadership. Master the term, practice it liberally and you’ve uncovered one of the simple secrets to leading effectively.
A fair number of leaders forget this lesson somewhere along their journeys and squander countless opportunities everyday to energize, inspire and engender loyalty. It’s easy to grow lazy and whiff on this one. It takes discipline and diligence to apply it consistently.
Oh, and don’t confuse the concept of “respect” with anything that resembles being soft. You can and should hold people accountable, expect the best out of everyone and offer constructive feedback quickly and frequently. You can be respectfully demanding and you can do all of this without being a jerk.
Ideas to Improve Your Respect Rating:
- Look people in the eye and listen attentively when they are talking with you. Yes, this means turning away from the e-mail that you are typing or holding off on glancing at and responding to the message on your blackberry.
- Learn names and use them. A CEO that I worked for believed so strongly in this that he fired a factory general manager for failing to learn the names of the people on the floor. And while there were other issues, this was a critically important issue to the CEO. The GM had been warned. The CEO knew the names and then some after two visits.
- Feedback is great, personal attacks are never appropriate and most constructive feedback is never public. Use fact-based observation to discuss needed behavioral changes. Always link the behavior to business. Deliver your feedback supportively and clearly, and hold people accountable.
- Pay attention to people. One of the easiest ways to reduce your Respect Rating is to fail to engage and get to know the people that work for you as human beings.
- Support personal and professional development. The ultimate form of respect that you can pay someone is to support their efforts to develop and grow. Want to build loyalty? Invest time and energy in helping someone gain experience or develop new skills and you’ll have a willing and grateful supporter for life.
- Make decisions and quit holding people and teams as hostages. I worked next to a leader that equated making a decision on a new idea or program as tantamount to putting himself in front of the firing squad. His simple philosophy of, “If I’m not accountable for anything, I can’t be fired,” was fascinating and horrifying to watch all at the same time He was fired and crowd quietly cheered.
- Trust people. There are few better ways to show your respect than to trust people to do their jobs. If you can’t trust them, you’ve got the wrong people. Of course, if you’ve got the wrong people, it’s your fault.
The Bottom Line:
We hungrily devour leadership content of all sorts, desperately or passionately looking for the unique insight or pearl of wisdom that will make things right for us as leaders. Ironically, the answer is in front of us, contained in the lessons that our parents and teachers taught us during our earliest years. Treat people with respect at every encounter.
Now is a great time to start or to get started on improving.
Respectfully yours,
Art
Right on, Art. Respecting others is something we do for ourselves. Respect is only ever something you give away, never something you should ever expect in return. But as you point out, the more you give, the more you get. Keep up the good work! Bret
I loved that you said “you can be respectfully demanding and…without being a jerk.” I agree wholeheartedly with every single word of this post! Respect is not about beating around the bush or being overly soft. Your pointers are – as usual – right on, Art! I will definitely share your post with my current coaching clients. This is a matter we cannot stress enough. Loyalty being so underrated lately it is truly what can get you through tough times well…and respect is a great way to breed it.
I love the post, Art. I think you’ve done a superb job of showing how specific behaviors can help with a subject (respect in this case) that can be murky and hard to define. Instead just saying, “Respect your people,” you’ve added “look people in the eye” and “learn their names” and other helpful “do this” advice. Bravo.
Brett, Monica and Wally, thanks for your thoughts and comments!
Brett, great point on the “don’t expect in return.” I agree…and my experience is that it usually flows that way anyways if I’ve done my part.
Monica, it is so important to cultivate a style that facilitates accountability and performance without relying on heavy-handed tactics. Glad that the post resonated.
Wally, thanks for the kind, “Bravo.” From you that is a huge compliment! I agree…the words are easy…it’s critical to educate by offering the behavioral examples. Thanks for your encouragement!
-Art
Yet another great article Art!
You are correct, you can not be a great leader without getting respect from your team and peers. You can only get respect by giving respect.
Ruchir, thanks for taking the time to comment! Hope you are well. We are in complete agreement. Best, Art
Art,
Great post. and very timely.This morning I had a similar conversation with my daughter. I told her you don’t have to like a person and you may not agree them them on anything at all but you still need to respect them. As a previous commenter mentioned giving respect is something we do for ourselves without expecting it to be returned. No one is served when we are disrespectful. It creates negative energy casts a shadow is cast on the one we are disrespectful to.
Showing respect is something my parents taught me and it has served be well in business and personal matter. Hopefully I will be able to pass that along to my daughter. Maybe its just me getting older but it appears we could be in for a period where a lack of respect is rampant. Have you tried to get a teenager to stop texting while you speak with them?
John, thanks for commenting. Glad my timing on this topic was goo. You raise a fascinating point on the generations and respect. I was coaching a neighbor’s son on his upcoming job interview yesterday and I went out of my way to remind him to leave his telephone in his car or at home.
Interestingly, it is perfectly acceptable for teens to be texting while talking with their friends. This social norm in the younger age groups has developed and it translates as dis-respect to older adults and professionals.
Also, in spite of the fact that it is bad form, I cannot tell you how many execs I see working their blackberries when they should be paying attention.
Our work is cut out for us. -Art
Great Post!!!
Far too often young leaders think their title gives them respect, but respect is earned.
mark
Mark, right you are! Thanks for reading/commenting. -Art
Art,
Great topic, everything you pointed out is vitally true yet many leaders over look it all the time
Question: I work with a manager that only gives employees negative reinforcement, for instance only when they do something wrong. How would you recommend I approach him to start encouraging employees when they do something right versus relying only on the negative situations?
Elijah
Elijah, thanks for your comment and question. I’ve met that manager before. In my experience, most managers have never been formally trained on how to deliver effective constructive feedback, and so they just massacre the process. I’ve also met a fair number that don’t feel that it is their job to dispense praise…but rather to drive improvement by pointing out weaknesses everywhere. They missed the memo on the power of positive feedback to reinforce the right behaviors.
If your manager is offering you good developmental feedback…i.e. something that is behavioral that you can change and improve, you might take the good out of it and realize that praise is just not what your going to get out of that relationship. If the comments are without merit…or highly subjective…and not behavioral, then find a new manager.
On the off chance that he encourages input from his reports (I’m doubting this is the case…), share some results from an article search on positive feedback…indicate that you are trying to use it yourself and ask his perspective on the topic.
Unfortunately, in my experience, many managers are not open to feedback coming the other way. Again, if this is the case, you may need to get off his island.
Sorry, no easy solutions in training old bosses to do new tricks.
-Art
Hi Art – I really enjoyed reading your post! Your “Ideas to Improve Your Respect Rating” are right on target. This would be a great piece for all employers and employees to review before dealing with clients and colleagues. My favorite statement is “Look people in the eye and listen attentively when they are talking with you” – I couldn’t even begin to count how many business meetings I have attended where the company’s executives/employees were on Blackberries and completely ignoring the presenter. It’s not only disrespectful to the presenter, but it’s embarrassing to the colleagues (who later have to explain the meeting to their colleague). I understand the importance of advanced technology and I do appreciate it, but I wish people could leave their phone messaging out of the meeting.
Ashley, it amazes me how many otherwise polite professionals show complete disregard for others when it comes to texting and e-mails. The darned things are tempting, but unless you are saving lives or dealing with a true crisis, put them away and focus! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment! I’m betting that you set a great example for others. Best, Art
9/9/09: Midweek Look at the Independent Business Blogs…
Every week I select five excellent posts from this week’s independent business blogs. This week, I’m pointing you to posts on challenging the boss, respect, internships (paid and unpaid), the trust/simplicity link, and developing a leadership prepara…
This article is great. I really like it, I liked the part about the feedback, to make it personal, not a public matter, in a more personal way you are always going to get more out of the people rather than going public, they might get embarrassed or ashamed about saying how they feel, and I think out there are a lot of managers that need to learn that. Also you have the absolute true when you say that you have to show respect in order to get it, you can’t expect people to respect you by what you are or by what title you might have, you have to earn it!.
Congratulations! This post was selected as one of the five best independent business blog posts of the week in my Three Star Leadership Midweek Review of the Business Blogs.
http://blog.threestarleadership.com/2009/09/09/9909-midweek-look-at-the-independent-business-blogs.aspx
Wally Bock
Art,
It’s a great post! I think the term of “respect” also relate to the term of “modest.” If you always think your social status are higher than others, then you will not respect to them. Besides, your post let me think about myself, “do I respect to others?” From my own experience, although just a cleaner who is in your company, we still have to respect him because maybe you will get some urgent help from them someday in the future.
Hey Art,
Great blog. Respect is one of those things that can be classified as “simple”, but not “easy”. Everyone agrees that respect is earned and not expected, but it is hard to find people working to earn it.
I appreciate the short list you provided on how to have a self check on respect. I look for these types of touch points to compare myself against (lots of spots to work on!). The one thing I would add to this list is having a good amount of self respect. Until you can respect your own ability and opinion, others never will. While this may seem very self evident, I often see new leaders stumble here trying to find their footing.
Thanks for keeping the gems coming!
-Nicole
Art, this is a great post reminding leaders of what is important. I especially liked your reminder that your employees are human beings with a life and demands outside of work. It’s important to treat them with respect as human beings and get to know more about them. I remember learning about how S. Truett Cathy had a habit of showing respect to his employees, which was shown to be the biggest factor contributing to his company having the lowest employee turnover rates in the fast food industry which is known for high turnover. Showing respect to others should become a habit and then a lifestyle.
Like a previous poster, I also find this article quite timely. I just returned from vacation and a colleague asked me “Why didn’t this company get their package?” I wanted to scream, “Because you added them while I was gone. Check the list!”
I didn’t do that, of course. I knew my emotions would destroy rather than build. So I waited to respond. I am working to be soft and respectful rather than a shouting bulldozer. I so appreciate the reminder. I can now have the conversation with my colleague as a team building excerise rather than an ugly mess.
Thank you…
Respectfully,
Elaine
Wally, thanks so much for selecting this post as one of your top five!
Sun-Hua Lin, Nicole, Ajo and Elaine, your kind comments and supporting anecdotes truly improve the post. I love the “cleaner” example. Yes, respect applies to everyone. Nicole, great point on the self-respect…that is absolutely right. Ajo, another great example of respect in action with S. Truett Cathy. And Elaine, kudos on staying in check…that is tough to do sometimes. Thanks to all! -Art
Respect really is so simple. It is on countless values statements of organizations. Yet the simple actions you so clearly share here of treating people with respect can be so easily overlooked. It seems that the higher many people climb on the organizational ladder and/or the busier they get it is these simple things that fall by the wayside.
Your bottom line hit the nail on the head for me – opportunities to lead truly are right in front of us and are often so simple.
I will also add that you can’t just go through the motions. Unless those actions are backed by a sincere commitment for the long term it can backfire.
A few years ago I held a leadership retreat with a group of executives. The day after the retreat the executives were greeting people in the hallways, making the effort to interact, remember names, etc. The buzz quickly became “they drank the KoolAide”. There was such skepticism about their sincerity. The word on the street was that this too shall pass. The leaders were disheartened at the background negativity they were feeling and the murmurings they were hearing. It took persistence and time to earn the trust of their people that they were sincere about transforming their leadership and their organizations culture. The hardest part of the work was getting past the damage done from previous failed and insincere attempts at change.
Susan, thanks for commenting! I absolutely love the example!! There is always a very healthy skepticism of the “program of the moment” from execs and it does take time and diligent reinforcement to make it stick. Thanks much for adding your wisdom and experience here. -Art
Art;
It amazing what a difference having the respect of your managers can make on your work environment. I believe that a healthy Employee-Employer relationship can only exist when mutual respect is present.
Another thing you touched upon that I thought was especially interesting was the idea of “Trust.” Having the trust of your employer makes a world of difference during your day to day work based activities. When your boss assigns you a project, not because you are the low person on the totem pole, but because he or she believes you to be the best qualified, you cannot help to feel a sense of empowerment. Anyways, that is all I got for today Art, have a good one!
-Zack