The “It’s Your Career” series at Management Excellence is dedicated to offering ideas, guidance and inspiration for your professional pursuits. Use the ideas in great career health!

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Health Warning: there’s no easy method for dealing with an abusive boss. Sometimes, the next exit ramp is the best approach. And sometimes circumstances require you to stay and attempt to cope. While your options are limited, there are some tactics worth considering before pulling the plug on your relationship with your firm or opting for unemployment. And let’s face it, no one should be compelled to remain as a doormat for an abusive boss. The cost is too high for your self-esteem and your mental and physical health to simply take it.

These miserable excuses for managers are often brilliant in their clever manipulation of human psychology. They are the consummate psychological abusers, expert at preying on your fears (usually loss of income) and weaknesses, and practiced at eviscerating your sense of self-esteem in the process. They break you down to build themselves up and the more you shrink in front of them, the more comfortable they are at heaping on the verbal and psychological abuse. For them, it’s a game that goes on as long as you take it, or, until they grow tired of you and dispose of you in pursuit of fresh prey.

Instead of enduring it in quiet agony, collect your thoughts and examine your options. Here are 10 ideas to consider in navigating this truly challenging and unfortunate experience. Just know that every single options comes complete with a variety of risks, especially when it comes to maintaining your employment. In this case, it pays to be prepared.

10 Ideas to Help Combat the Abusive Boss

1. Explore a Transfer. If you like the company, explore options in other groups. It’s within your rights to apply for posted positions. However, beware the blocking power of the abusive manager. She has a vested interest in not letting you out of her clutches. And know that even if you escape, she’s still there and capable of undercutting you in future situations.

One caveat on this guidance. I appreciate the desire to not be chased out of a place you generally like, however, ask yourself whether a firm that allows this manager to remain in a position of power is the right one for you. There’s a disconnect somewhere between the values on the wall and the culture that perpetuates this toxic manager and her abuse.

Graphic image with the words, It's Your Career and other related professional development words2. Use Feedback. Provide clear, specific, unemotional feedback to your boss on his abusive behavior. One individual facing repeated dressing down in public very quietly and unemotionally said, “Your repeated yelling at me in public settings is embarrassing to me and to you as a manager. By doing this, you destroy your credibility as a leader. You show that you don’t support the corporate values. And you ensure that everyone who works on your team will do everything in their power to leave or to make certain they give you the bare minimum. Please stop it.”  The abusive boss was speechless. He stopped it.

The above statement was pretty bold and might not seem realistic for many situations. The employee pulled this off by maintaining a clear tone, speaking confidently and authoritatively, but not offensively. Another approach is to focus on just the behavior: “How did calling me incompetent in front of the team get us any closer to the business solution we need for this problem?” Remember, abusive bosses prey on weakness. Tackling this in a calm and professional and confident manner shows anything but weakness.

3. Attempt Constructive Dialog. The intent in this discussion is to strive to align around interests…corporate goals, departmental performance etc. It’s also essential to strive to understand whether there are legitimate performance issues on your end that are getting lost in the poor translation. Most people don’t try this because the boss keeps them off-balance. The victims don’t feel powerful enough to initiate this discussion.

Start the conversation by leveraging the feedback technique in #2 above, however, shift the dialog to identifying ways to mutually support better performance. If there are shortcomings in your own performance, identify ideas to improve and ask for coaching and constructive feedback for your efforts.

One client brokered a truce with this technique. Another ended up with a boss that was irrationally angrier than before. She tried, the technique failed and she moved on to a different firm. But she tried.

4. Start Gathering Evidence. Most employees are unarmed when the abusive boss decides to turn this into a performance issue with formal H.R. involvement. When faced with the latest tirade, grab something to take notes. Be overt about it. Identify any witnesses. Describe the behaviors, note the date and time and circumstances. And ask clarifying questions. Use active listening techniques and repeat back to the boss what he is saying just to make certain you got it right. One bold rebel asked the abusive boss to review the notes and initial them just to confirm they were accurate. The boss threw the notes back at the employee. Everyone in the vicinity saw it. This was documented as well. (Yes, this approach has a high probability of just setting this character off like a firework, but it’s reasonable for you to take notes. You may need them.)

5. Raise the Issue with H.R. Health warning: I’ve seen this one both work and backfire. Be specific and clear about the abusive behaviors. The notes help. So do witnesses. Be aware however that at some point this tactic goes nuclear critical when the “alleged” abusive manager is engaged. Remember that your objective is for the behaviors to end…not to fire the manager.

6. Leverage the Power of the Group. If the behaviors are visible to all and pervasive, a series of individual complaints to H.R. will trigger alarm bells. One team marched on H.R. and an investigation and intervention followed. Beware however, that no one wins in a witch-hunt. The description of the behaviors must be honest and well documented. Again, the goal is for the behaviors to stop.

A different flavor of this group approach is the direct intervention. I’ve not yet seen one of these work. Typically, the group members talk tough until it comes time to confront the boss and a number of people leave the one or two leaders hanging out to dry. Be cautious here.

7. Explore Political Options. Again, that annoying health warning…many abusive managers are expert politicians. The Game of Thrones ends up with a lot of dead characters for a reason. Nonetheless, if your mentor is a powerful executive or if you and one of the C-level executives regularly play golf, you can look for an opportunity to raise concerns. Operate on the side of goodness here. Make it less about your feelings and more about the potential damage this type of behavior is creating in the workplace.

8. Explore Legal Options. While there are all sorts of red flags and health warnings on this one, it is possible you may have grounds for a hostile work environment case. Speak with a highly competent employment attorney and know that bridges will be burned beyond repair with this approach. You also can lose. Use this option sparingly.

9.Take Charge of Your Own Career. While this doesn’t help in the heat of the moment, a great defense is an active offense (or something like that). Be prepared at all times. Whether you are happy or miserable in your work, the process of expanding your skills, growing and strengthening your professional network and showcasing your positive brand are table-stakes for survival and success in this world. You own this and this hard work over a long period of time pays tremendous dividends when you want to move sooner than later.

10 Call It. Seriously, life is too short to live and precious to live with this cr@p. Ideally, you have the financial reserves to navigate your sudden paycheck interruption. If not, there’s always work somewhere. It might not be good work, but there’s work. Consider a transition role to protect your physical and mental health. While you will have to focus eventually on crafting your own story line on your sudden shift for future prospective employers, any situation that is destroying your physical and mental health must come to an end sooner than later.

The Bottom-Line for Now:

It’s hard to think rationally when you are under the stress generated by an abusive boss. It’s essential to do something other than just soak it up. No matter how strong you think you are, the abuse takes a toll on your well being. Stay on the side of goodness with your approach, but for your own sake and for the sake of the people who care about you in your life, do something. The rewards in this world go to people who take action.

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