Too many of us spend our days emphasizing what we want. Emphasizing what you “want” is a lousy way to get to yes at work.

I want a bigger budget, more people, a new piece of equipment.

We’re all angling at some time for something in a world of limited resources. The “ask” may be a bit less direct than I am describing, but the theme is the same. And we’re meeting resistance with these requests.

Skilled negotiators understand their positions—their wants—before they open their mouths. However, they also understand what they want does not matter to the other party.

They do three things with this insight:

  1. They talk in terms of their interests.
  2. They work hard to understand the interests of the people across the table from them.
  3. They don’t ask for anything until they can wrap it around shared interests.

Try this approach. It works. It works with your boss, with your significant other, with your kids and with the adversary across the negotiating table.

People like to feel like they are achieving their objectives. Help them do that and they are inclined to help you achieve yours.

It is a simple behavior change that will pay immediate dividends.

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