Tuesdays at the Management Excellence blog are dedicated to those just starting out on their leadership journeys.
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While the act of delivering constructive feedback doesn’t rank up there with the fear of public speaking (stage fright) or facing an IRS audit (just pure fear), too many managers…especially newly promoted first-timers avoid this activity because it makes them uncomfortable. Others use crutches like sandwiching or sugarcoating to calm their own fears, creating muddled messages in the process.
A good number of managers carry feedback fright with them throughout their careers, leaving a wake of under-developed, under-supported team members wondering what they might do better to strengthen their own performance and further their careers. When polling participants in workshops, one of the top wishes I hear is, “I wish my boss would give me more feedback.” Seriously. No one wishes for another IRS audit, but they want more feedback. Even the constructive (“you need to improve this”) kind.
It’s essential for you to learn to tame your emotions and control your feedback fright. Failure to overcome this issue will prove debilitating to your effectiveness as a manager. And frankly, it’s not so hard to resolve.
9 Ideas to Help Cure Yourself of Feedback Fright:
1. Remember, your team members are waiting for it. Read these words and believe them…after all, you read them on the internet: good people are hungry for feedback. Seriously. They’re waiting for it. They want input to help them raise their game.
2. Quit hesitating because you’re worried about the reaction you’re going to elicit. If properly constructed, delivered and managed, constructive feedback most often will elicit a positive response. Perhaps not immediately, but eventually. I’ve lost count of the times someone has thanked me and offered some variation of, “I’ve never heard that before,” or “No one ever mentioned that to me.” And while not all of these discussions go swimmingly, if executed properly, the majority will. Hey, nothing’s perfect!
3. Deliver feedback on observed behaviors not hearsay. Don’t get caught up in the “he said/she said” traps. Get out with your team members and observe them in action and offer feedback in near real time. If someone is suggesting aberrant behavior outside of your eye-sight, redouble your efforts to observe.
4. Always link the behavior to the business. If you make it personal, you’ll lose. If you link the behavior to the business, you’re operating on the side of goodness.
5. Plan your feedback discussions. Nothing strengthens performance like proper planning. Take time to think about the behaviors and business impact and then jot down your opening sentence. Practice the opening sentence to yourself a few times and then put it to work.
6. Get it just right with time, tone and temperament. As you approach the discussion, spend a few moments focusing on your objectives: a clear, concise and unemotional discussion leading to an action plan to improve. Feedback is best served in Goldilocks fashion. If it’s too hot…too emotionally turbocharged, it will be destructive. If it’s too cold…too old, it will be ineffective.
7. Don’t inventory the issues. The closer to the observed behavior you address the situation, the better the outcome and the better you’ll feel about these discussions. The worst feedback habit is waiting for the annual performance review and then backing up the dump truck and unloading. This won’t go well for either party.
8. Create a discussion, don’t deliver a monologue. Know that your goal in the discussion is to engage the receiver in developing ideas that he/she can put into action to strengthen or change the behavior in question. You don’t have to have all of the answers…you simply have to create the situation to jointly develop the answers.
9. Remember how to get to Carnegie Hall. OK, old, lame joke with a point. Passenger: ”Cab driver, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?” Cabbie: “Practice, practice, practice.”
The Bottom-line for Now:
While there are a number of different and very important managerial tools to support behavior development and change, feedback is fundamental. Your feedback fright is best resolved by employing a number of good habits, starting with the recognition that your people are hungry for clear, meaningful and timely input on improving. By the way, so are you. Remember to be a great feedback receiver when it’s your turn.
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Great reminders, even for those of us who have been in leadership positions for a long time! I’ve coached a number of new managers through this process, and the feedback I received from those new managers consistently pointed out this piece of advice as the most beneficial – all I told them was that going into the discussion, remember, you are the manager, and this will turn out how you want it to. And before anyone jumps on me for saying this, what I mean is that you are in control of the tempo, the tone, the timing, and all aspects of the discussion. If things get heated, adjourn until things calm down. If your feedback is delivered properly and is based on observed behavior, there is no arguing or debating. It’s simply a fact, and you are making the person aware of it and agreeing on how to improve.
Great peace of mind comes from the realization that only good can come from this direct conversation, provided that your feedback is accurate. I’ve also had people on the receiving end of the feedback later on tell me that they appreciated the direct approach. It’s not easy having a one-on-one with the boss and getting the impression that there is something waiting to be said. Those meetings last an eternity!
So, be confident, be direct, and be solution-oriented in the discussion. Very few people are so far gone that they won’t listen and work with you on a plan to improve the situation.
Dave