One definition of self-esteem reflects, “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities.” Another source, psychologist and author, Dr. Nathaniel Branden, offers: “Self-esteem is the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness.”
While typically not a topic discussed over coffee, many leaders struggle with issues of low self-esteem. They question their abilities to cope with the problems at hand, they often doubt they are worthy of the position of leadership they occupy, and they most definitely agonize quietly over much of their professional existence. Others manifest their low self-esteem with over-the-top aggressiveness and strong controlling behaviors.
Regardless of how the self-esteem issue is expressed, the sufferers struggle with a debilitating level of self-doubt. Unfounded criticism and minor setbacks easily derail the positive thought train. Instead of pursuing success, the leader with low self-esteem settles for a kind of tortured survival.
(Note: if you feel chronically depressed, please seek professional medical or counseling assistance.)
Nine Ideas to Help Strengthen Your Leadership Self-Esteem
1. Recognize that you’re not alone. The greatest historical figures and leaders throughout history struggled with self-doubt, and many of the most outwardly confident leaders battle this same issue in private. You are most definitely not alone.
2. Cultivate “bigger purpose” thinking about your job. The focus on a large and compelling mission promotes action and helps set priorities. It also sets the stage for self-esteem reinforcing behaviors and achievements.
I crafted my Leader’s Charter to remind me of my true role as a leader and serve as my “bigger purpose.” A few moments reviewing and reflecting upon The Charter every morning, does wonders for your attitude and for providing a strong reason for being.
The Leader’s Charter:
Your primary role as a leader is to:
-Create an environment that facilitates high individual and team performance
-Support innovation in process, programs and approaches
-Encourage collaboration where necessary
and
-Promote the development of your associates in roles that leverage their talents and that challenge them to pursue new and greater accomplishments.
With all of that “purpose” to focus on, it’s hard to spend time wondering whether you are up to the job. Your actions and approaches towards others are inherent in The Charter. And as you live your day(s) according to the concepts, you cannot help but produce small victories. These small victories are rocket-fuel for self-esteem.
3. Small victories count! Keep tabs on yours. Keep a list of the small victories to reinforce your growing self-esteem and good attitude. And remember to share the wealth by celebrating or praising the positive accomplishments of others. Your positive praise helps others build their own self-esteem.
4. Read something inspirational. My own doses of self-esteem fuel come from biographies of historical figures who battled overwhelming odds, only to succeed. It’s amazing what looking at a truly bad situation faced by someone else will do to put your own situation in perspective.
5. Trust feedback from trusted sources. Not all feedback and not all feedback providers are created equal. The comment from an audience member recently regarding a concept that I “failed to develop” on one of my slides was interesting but frankly irrelevant. The talk had been a success however, it clearly bugged this guy that I had not expanded upon the issue he felt so passionately about. I suggested he make it a self-study topic.
6. Pull out of a stall. Take action. Actions…and movement are important steps in building self-esteem. An internal preoccupation on your supposed negatives coupled with no action is truly self-reinforcing.
7. Focus your actions on your strengths. Just for a few moments, forget about the weaknesses that you believe are holding you back. Preoccupying on your weaknesses reinforces low self-esteem thinking.
8. Don’t overlook your physical appearance. Focus on getting in shape, losing weight, getting a better haircut and/or improving your style of dress. Much of our self-esteem flows from how we feel about our looks and physical presence.
9. Selectively take action to strengthen weaknesses. As the small victories pile up, and as you build upon your strengths and refocus your efforts around your priorities (The Charter), selectively identify weaknesses to strengthen and take action. Buy and read and apply the lessons in a self-help book, take a course or seek a mentor to guide your efforts and offer reinforcement.
The Bottom-Line for Now:
Your self-esteem is an intensely personal issue that impacts others and affects your ability to succeed. A strong sense of your own self-worth is important for building self-confidence, and self-confidence is an important ingredient for success as a leader. If you’re struggling with a sense of low-self esteem, it’s important to do something. Try the items on the list, add in others, and if you’re still struggling seek help. You deserve a strong self-esteem, and your colleagues deserve a leader with enough self-confidence to help them strive and succeed.
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Art,
very nice post with a palatable message. I think you’re too kind to say the hard truth. If someone’s going to lead, they are going to fail. Failure is a part of trying new things and leading.
If someone is not in a position where they can withstand the financial, personal and business issues that come along with a hard grinding failure, then they are not in a position where they should consider taking the risks necessary to lead.
If someone is being promoted without have gone through the travails of failure, then they shouldn’t take positions of leadership. They will not have the courage to stand up and stop things going down the wrong path if they haven’t lived through the consequences.
If all someone is doing is being a “yes” man or woman, then they are not leaders, they’re just riding the bus. Nothing wrong with that and many people cannot afford the consequences of taking risks, but then esteem is not their major problem.
Andy, as always, thought-provoking! Thanks for reading and sharing. -Art
Art – Good read. Agree with your point on focusing on your strengths. Outside of the confidence factor, I’ve always found that you can accerate your personal and professional development by covering your weakness AND exploiting your strengths. It drives me crazy whenever someone only focuses on the negative. I recently wrote a post on the “strength factor” too (http://management411.net/its-not-just-about-the-fixing-the-weakness-exploit-your-strengths/).
At any rate, appreciate your insights and keep up posting the great content!
Thanks, Chuck! I love your phrasing: “covering your weaknesses and exploiting your strengths.” Thanks as well for the link to your post. (Excellent read!) -Art
Art- I really enjoyed some of your tips on building self esteem. I think that especially as a manager, one has the responsibility to build self esteem in you employees. They will not take the message if you have not already taken care of yourself. Thank you for the insight.
I rely heavily on number 3 for myself and my employees. Goals can be a great thing to boost self worth but they can also be detrimental if they aren’t set up properly. We’ve installed a system of daily goals our department that tie into monthly goals. This way, everyone can feel like they are winning the daily battles so if we do miss a monthly goal, we’ve got a lot of other positive items to reflect on.
Rather than feeling like we failed for the month, we are able to say, “Yes, we missed this goal and we need to work on that next month but look at all the other achievements we had this month”.
Andrew’s post was also interesting but wonder how you feel about it and if you’ve read “Teaching Smart People How to Learn” by Chris Argyris? It details how often the most successful people in life have the hardest time coping with failure.
Art,
thanks again for having a great blog that leads people to think. Not surprisingly, you have savvy readers who make worthwhile points and back them up. (Thanks Matt).
I read Chris Argyris’ paper with interest, though I would make one significant refinement. You don’t need to learn when you have money. It could be phrased less crassly, but if you have money, you can do what you think is right. Or in Argyris’ terminology, avoid double-loop learning.
It’s only when you run out of money and stare at the awful void that you engage in the painful process of evaluating your ideas, structures and approaches. It’s then that you’re ready to listen and learn.
AA wisely states that an alcoholic cannot be helped until they’ve realized they need help. Similarly, why would a business person whose successfully doing what they’ve always been doing, engage in the painful exercise evaluating themselves and their approaches?
There maybe better people than me (god I hope so) but it wasn’t until the grinding pain of failure exceed the pain involved in self examination, that I really started listening and learning.
One final bit of hope. Like Damocles’ sword, the fear of failure is worse than the failure itself. Of course, that is predicated on the point I made earlier, that you have to be in a financial, emotional and professional position where you can withstand the consequences of taking real risks in order to take them.
If someone is not in that position, then taking those risks is selfish and foolhardy and I feel for those around them who are potentially going to be dragged down through no fault of their own. I’ll even go a step further and say I hope hell burns a little hotter for those who cavalierly take risks.
Andy, like you, I’m thankful that I have smart readers to set me straight! : ) Your comments are always fascinating additions to the posts…and they always leave us thinking. Thanks! -Art