“How can I help?” These four simple words are powerful leadership tools when framed into a question and applied with genuine intent.
The leader that is comfortable asking this question is comfortable in his or her leadership skin. It takes self-confidence, a dose of humility and a genuine comprehension of the role of leader to form and apply the question, “How can I help?”
This individual understands that “telling” isn’t the only way to lead.
The act of asking the question shows that the leader has confidence in his team members. This is a subtle but important way for the leader to say, “I trust you” to individuals and teams.
The Intent of “How Can I Help?”
The engineering manager asking this question isn’t expecting to be invited to lead the next design review or to write a few lines of code. She wants to know if she can provide support by providing resources, helping to shape policy, brokering alliances and repairing systemic problems. She’s really asking,
- Are there obstacles in your way that I can clear out for you?
- Do you have the tools and resources that you need to do the work?
- Is there something wrong with our business processes that we can improve?
- Is there something that I can do that will increase the likelihood that teams and individuals will succeed?
Don’t confuse the use of “How can I help,” with the need to pitch in on the loading dock so that customers receive their orders, or, the need to sit in on a team meeting where the group has been unable to work well together. These types of transactional or fire fighting situations provide context for the leader to understand where help is truly required. The individual acts are just part of the bigger picture problem-solving process.
The Bottom-Line for Now:
Don’t discount how much self-confidence it takes for a leader to ask the question, “How can I help?” Much of modern leadership culture is predicated on the false belief that those at higher levels are paid to tell people how and what to do. Just like “telling ain’t teaching,” it’s usually not leading either.
Totally agree Art! If we are all in it for the same reasons and goals a leader’s first question should be, “How can I help?”
It’s also the first question you should ask your wife when you are half way to the party and she says she forgot her make-up and has none with her. “What can I do to help Sweetheart?” (Learned that from one of the greatest leaders I know.)
Blessings,
Dave
Dave, I’m still chuckling over the important and powerful application of this concept! Thanks!! -Art
[…] Do You Want!? I just finished reading Art Petty’s blog post about the phrase “How Can I Help?” Here’s what Art has to say about it: “These four simple words are powerful leadership […]
Love it, Art. The attitude should be “how can I help you help yourself?” although the last part is often unspoken. Three other golden words spoken before “how can I help?” are “Help me understand”. Thanks! Bret
Bret, powerful words and great additions! Thanks! -Art
Art that is good stuff. The part for me requiring self confidence is getting the occasional response “You Can’t Help” or similar comment. I do like your article and it will be a good reminder for when I visit a different office next week.
Todd, that’s an OK response, assuming that it’s not laden with sarcasm from the giver. Some individuals and some teams pride themselves on their independence. Your inquiry communicates that you are there for them if they need you. Reinforce that you are there to help. One caveat…sometimes that response “You can’t help,” might keep you as the manager from inquiring further. Don’t let the interest in independence get in the way of gaining a reasonable assessment of status and progress. Thanks for writing and good luck with the meeting. -Art
Very good article. It is all the more poignant because the phrase is so delicate. Think of the difference between “Do you need help?” and “Can I help?”
The first implies that *you* cannot handle the situation. It also offers no personal help and instead suggest that help might be your eventual replacement.
The second recognizes that *you* are the best person to evaluate the situation and decide if you need backup.
Might be nice to see a corollary on this article: “I need help.” Something more leaders should be willing to say.
Cheers,
Tristan
Tristan, I love the subtle distinction that you highlight in your comment! Thanks for reading and for the follow-on suggestion as well. Best, -Art
[…] to Art Petty’s blog, “Leadership Caffeine” for the inspiration behind these […]