My biggest mistakes as a leader occurred as a result of spending way too much time attempting to change two people. I was young, new to the formal leadership scene and convinced that with my help and guidance, these two talented individuals would certainly shed their dysfunctional and toxic behaviors.
Wow, was I wrong!
After a lot of time, money, coaching, counseling and training, one lawsuit and one person storming out never to be seen again, along with untold amounts of collateral damage to the team and my own credibility as a leader, I had learned my lesson. People do not fundamentally change their nature.
I’ve been accused of sounding cynical and jaded as a result of my own early misfires, and perhaps I am. Nonetheless, I learned in a painful way why I needed to hire slowly and fire fast and have been well served incorporating this approach since learning those painful lessons.
In workshop settings, I present appropriately sanitized versions of those now two-decade old cases and it is fascinating to watch people make my same mistakes over and over again. Without getting into too much detail, both cases include talented individuals that wreak havoc on teams through their approaches. They are toxic, but they are both so freaking talented at their jobs, that it is easy for people and their manager to excuse their behaviors. “That’s just Bob,” or “That’s just Suzy.” In essence, the manager and those around them become their enablers and excusers.
After reviewing the case and debating “what to do” in small groups, I invariably get these responses:
-Create a new position
-Put him/her in a different role
-More coaching
Almost no one suggests firing the individuals until I play the annoying devil’s advocate on the above suggestions.
The unfortunate reality is that many managers are unprepared to deal with the “brilliant problem-child” character and they fall victim to the same fate as the erstwhile frog in the “Parable of the Scorpion and the Frog.”
Sidebar: In case you haven’t heard it: Scorpion needs a ride across a pond and asks the frog to carry him over on his back. Frog at first says, “No, you’ll sting me and we’ll both die and what purpose would that serve? Scorpion says, “No I won’t, I’ve changed.” Frog thinks about it for a while, says, “OK, jump on.” The frog starts swimming across the pond, gets halfway, the scorpion stings him and as he’s going down, he asks, “Why did you do that?” The Scorpion responds, “I can’t help it, it’s my nature.”
The Bottom Line for Now:
You cannot change people. They have to want to change and unfortunately, deep, lasting and significant change is rare indeed. Like the scorpion above, people don’t change their nature.
You are in danger of spending too much time with the wrong people. Cut it out. Focus on those that are striving to learn and grow.
Hire very, very slowly and fire fast. You’ll make fewer critical mistakes this way.
😉
excellent post, Art!
Thanks to Wally Bock who retweeted your post, I have got to ‘read’ you from Slovakia.
i simply love, social media tools and today’s unique possibiltiy to tell many people, many things (which one was not able to do, few years ago)
@blogpost: i can only agree with you. chosing who to spend your time with is very essential for those eager to evolve and grow. one cannot hep those who doesn’t want to be helped. and the time and energy you spend on trying to change someone who doesnt see any need to change, there might be many other folks out there waiting for you;-)
so, hire slowly, fire quickly and same with any action you take, f.e. compose the blog comment slowly, but submit it fast;-)
cheers from lifelong learner with passion to unfold talents in people
ivana
Ivana, thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment! I’m glad that you read Wally’s content as well, he is the best! You definitely hit the core of the issue…our time is much better spent with those that truly want/need and will accept our support. -Art
Great post, Art. I love that you linked the hiring and firing. You have to consider both. Let me add these thoughts.
On hiring. Don’t settle. It hardly ever works out well. You want the right people, who have the willingness to pitch in and help with the right KSAs. You also need people who will fit with your team.
On firing. Firing isn’t an act, it’s a process. Part of firing is making sure that expectations are clear and good performance is possible. Part of firing is documenting the lapses in performance and behavior. If the person you’re working with can’t or won’t reform, firing includes pulling the trigger.
I’ve found too many managers who want to jump from deciding someone doesn’t fit to pulling the trigger. But firing has a due diligence component. That’s why I included both a system and forms to help people with it in my Working Supervisor’s Support Kt. For firing to be both fair and final, you have to follow the process.
You can chalk it up to youth and naivety if you like, but I do believe that true change is possible; I’ve seen it happen. Usually it takes some type of major life event to get the process started.
That said, I do agree with you that in business situations it is important to hire slowly and fire quickly. In order to prevent disaster professionally, it is best to stay away from the kind of people you are describing.
In personal relationships though, away from the workplace, I never give up hope that people can and do change. We may need to put proper boundaries in place to avoid problems that come from staying close to hurtful people, but my philosophy is to keep loving and forgiving those difficult people in my life.
Wally, as always, your very precise guidance is spot-on. The diligence component is key. Your kit will help people navigate the often ambiguous and frightening firing process.
Becky, you hit on the part where I’ve been accused of being cynical. Like you, I am an optimist. I would like to believe in people changing at their core. When Rich and I wrote Practical Lessons in Leadership, we racked our brains for 45 years of experience to identify 1 person that had materially changed his nature. Rich finally came up with 1 person and wrote about him in the book.
Thanks to both for your thoughtful comments! -Art
Art –
This is one of the fundamental lessons for managers.
Too many managers fail to remove toxic individuals. Those manager have a range of excuses. You mention one of the common ones, “He’s so talented, we can’t get along without him.” In reality, a toxic individual makes it harder for everyone else to accomplish useful work.
One manager actually defended keeping a toxic person on staff because he “didn’t want to hurt [toxic persons] career” (!)…but apparently it’s okay for that toxic person to hurt everyone else’s career. And toxic people can damage the careers of people around them by limiting learning and collaboration, depressing results, and contributing to stress.
I’ve seen a few of these myself and offer some advice here: http://www.ayeconference.com/managing-a-struggling-employee/
There’s another problem with spending too much time with struggling or toxic employees. You communicate that the way to get attention from the manager is to screw up. Do you really want your staff sitting around resenting the time you lavish on toxic individuals?
On the topic of documentation, some legal sources advise that if you are going to document performance, document for everyone. If you only start to document when you want to fire someone, it can look like a vendetta if it goes to court. (This isn’t as onerous as it sounds if you have regular one-on-ones and keep notes.)
Esther, thanks much for sharing your advice and the great link!
I love that you highlight the impact of the leader spending too much time on the dysfunctional individual. As leaders, we often forget that we are being constantly observed and evaluated by those around us. Our handling of people issues directly impacts the working environment/culture and it either destroys or strengthens our own leadership credibility.
Great note as well on the documentation. -Art
Good post, Art. You’re quite right that you can’t change other people, and you’ve got to cut your losses and concentrate on the parts of your organization that work together.
I’d like to caution your readers not to jump too quickly to the conclusion that “the other person” is the problem. I’ve seen managers fire someone who was doing more good for the organization than was the manager. As Wally Bock said, “Part of firing is making sure that expectations are clear and good performance is possible.”
Esther Derby has good advice for providing clear feedback about expectations. The basic steps are:
1. Create an opening–make contact.
2. Describe the behavior or result.
3. State the impact using the word “I”.
4. Make a request.
A manager needs to learn the skills of doing this well. While you cannot change people, you can expect a change in behavior. Skill in asking for this change in behavior can make all the difference. I recommend Esther’s article, What Every Manager Should Know About Feedback (http://www.cio.com/article/105001/What_Every_Manager_Should_Know_About_Feedback).
Obviously one must think clearly about why the employee has ended up in the firing line, but once they are firmly there, acting quickly and honestly can be as good for your team as it is for the individual in question. Now, I’m not arguing that being fired isn’t traumatic, or that you can assume this will change a persons life for the better(that’s their business as you state above). But I do believe that being stuck in a job that isn’t working out can suck the life out of a person in a way that they can’t even see how miserable they are. Sometimes being fired is the only jumpstart left.
Likewise, if you’re trying to change a dysfunctional, or toxic organization, and “the gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train’s just not coming,” it may be time to give up, yank the red handle, and get out of there.
I don’t know why it is, but I’ve seen a higher percentage of dysfunctional, toxic, managers and leaders than employees. It’s almost as though our business culture unknowingly selects for it.
George, great reminder on the power of effective performance feedback.
Fred, I’ve had people thank me (a few months) after firing them.
Robert, thanks for chiming in. Agreed on the lousy leader percentage. Part of my mission is to help change that, even if its one new leader at a time!
Thanks to all for your valued and valuable contributions! -Art
This and Ester’s article are great advice when the person in questions is expected to be an individual contributor. I’ve pushed many of my managers to do exactly what these articles advocate. There is another aspect to this discussion. What about when the disruptors are the ones that know what needs to be done?
Every one of the articles that I have read on this subject seems to assume that the base organization is in a good place, functioning well, and doing the right thing. In this situation bad behaviors that disrupt the status quo would be considered a negative.
But often I find myself in situations where the bad behavior from the “brilliant problem child” is born of frustration. There are many different reasons for the frustration but often there is very real truth in the disruption. In these situations I find that you don’t need to change the core individual, and in fact you don’t want to change the core individual. What you want to coach is delivery, communications, carrot not always stick, and cognitive flexibility. You are coaching for more leadership. You also need to coach the rest of the organization. Teach them to understand why this change and disruption will be necessary. Help them understand why crabbypants has a real point that we need to understand.
An excellent manager that is working with that “toxic” individual will first seek to understand why. When it truly is a bad egg then absolutely fire fast. When it is a toxin born of frustration with the status quo, well, maybe not so fast.
-Andy
Eh, bad proof reading. Ester = Esther. My apologies.
Andy, great addition to the discussion. Great highlight on the assumption that we often make that the rest of the organization is fine and it’s only the brilliant problem-child creating friction. It is possible that he/she is the only one that sees the opportunities and problems clearly and is willing to show frustration.
My own case was made more difficult (for me) because we were quite successful and a good reason for it was this particularly talented but difficult individual. I put your advice to work over several years…and invested a great deal in internal/external coaching and counseling. Ultimately, this person flamed out when the group ostracized him.
Thanks for the thoughtful addition! -Art
Art,
it doesn’t surprise me that you’ve received a deluge of comments about this. It’s an area that many people struggle with. Having worked with some brilliant technical stars who produce some amazing golden eggs, I’ve come across this situation more often then I care to remember. A couple of points.
There is one John McEnroe. He is amazing and colorful, but few people have his talent, position or background. Unless your name is John McEnroe and you’re the former #1 tennis player, remember that you work in a business and it is your responsibility to conform to that business.
If you are a leader, don’t fool yourself, people kiss your ass. Here’s a good rule of thumb. If a someone does things that annoy you, they are five times worse to everyone else.
A person can change themselves, no one else can change them. This as true in business as it is in AA (Alcohols Anonymous). If you think you are clever enough to change someone, find a divorced spouse support group and ask them how well changing people works.
Finally, problem children know they are problem children. A great hint is if they are fantastically productive, but secretive about how they do things. This is the source of their power.
So if you are a leader, you will be slowest person to figure out that someone’s a problem child. When you come to the realization, act quickly because you’re already behind.
Great post man!
Andy, great comment! Thanks for your always energetic and particularly powerful points! Love the secretive perspective as well. Had not thought of that one.
Thanks much! -Art
[…] Leadership Caffeine For the Week – Too Much Time With the Wrong People: Interesting post on how it’s so difficult to change people. Bottom Line: Hire slow, fire fast! […]
Yeah. People do change. All the time. They just don’t do it they way you want it.
Where I live, firing is not acceptable. Sounds weird, I guess. But restrictions forces invention.
People change when they allow it and never sooner. One’s agency is not only the key to unlock change, but its also the wall that sits in front of them. I do believe however that there are some people who will refuse to change because they deny that their dysfunction’s are their responsibility. Sometimes the train must go on without someone. Don’t think that the next person who is in need of feedback and encouragement won’t change — give them a chance. 🙂