Yes, executives struggle with feedback too
If you are wondering why you don’t receive more frequent, high-quality feedback from your executive-level boss, know they struggle with it (and are mostly untrained), just like the rest of us.
In my executive coaching work, it’s common for me to offer ‘refresh’ training on feedback practices to C- and V-level professionals. More than a few have suggested it’s the only time they’ve received any instruction on this important practice.
Common executive struggles with feedback
While individuals at the executive level are typically savvy communicators in a variety of settings, the ‘f’ topic for ‘feedback’ is a stressor for many. Some compensate by emphasizing that they believe in giving frank input, then blast their team members with strong, often vague, mostly non-behavioral feedback that leaves their charges confused and a bit demoralized.
Other executives, sensitive about upsetting team members, water down their feedback or create confusion by sugar-coating it or sandwiching the real issue between positive feedback.
And still others avoid it completely. One retired CEO told me in an interview that one of his biggest regrets was avoiding tough performance conversations throughout his career. “I wonder how much money, time, and performance I cost my companies by not having the tough discussions,” he said.
While tough, constructive feedback often gets the focus, some top executives ignore the benefits of positive feedback as well. One reached out to me saying, “Art, I’ve had the same LT for the past few years. I’ve never given any positive feedback. I want to start, and am not sure how to do this without them thinking I am dying.”
After some coaching, he is indeed delivering positive feedback and assures me he is as healthy as ever.
What to do if your executive struggles (or fails) to give you feedback:
1. Let them know you are striving to grow and value their input and coaching.
Sometimes, simply acknowledging the value of their coaching will open the feedback dialog. Showing respect for others’ opinions is a powerful way to gain support.
2. Ask for situational feedback when they’ve observed you in action.
Try: “What would you suggest I do differently to strengthen my effectiveness in that situation?” If the answer is vague, e.g., “You did great!” gently probe for more specifics. “What did you see that I did that made that work?” Always strive to connect the observed behavior to its impact on the situation. You’re trying to improve that impact in the future.
3. Dig deeper and be proactive about these two classic feedback mistakes by executives.
If you are on the receiving end of the classic, “You need to strengthen your executive presence,” or “You need to develop as a strategic thinker,” probe gently for examples and behaviors and use these starter tips:
For executive presence:
Draw on an expert like Joel Garinkle and his book Executive Presence. In this book, Joel shares a 3×3 matrix on EP behaviors. Use this with your executive as a discussion tool and ask, “Can we pick one behavior from each column you suggest I work on?” And then over time, ask for feedback on those behaviors. Rinse and repeat.
For strategic thinking
The ‘strategic thinking’ feedback is an interesting one. Often, simply switching from asking your boss how to handle a situation to offering your input, “Here’s how I see this issue and our options,” is enough to change their view. They’ll offer an option if they don’t agree with your framing and approach. Or they’ll breathe a sigh of relief that they don’t have to solve yet another issue for someone. There’s more, of course, but offering your thinking first is a good start.
4. Loop back, share progress, and thank them.
Always loop back on their feedback. “I took to heart what you offered on strengthening my performance in these situations. I did some homework, and here’s what I’m doing to improve. Thanks for the input, and as you observe me in those situations, please offer your additional input.” This approach improves your odds of opening the feedback gate further.
The bottom line:
We grow in the workplace and as professionals through experiences and high-quality input. If you, like so many, are operating in a feedback desert, open the door to more, better-quality guidance. After all, you own your career, not your boss.
