Beware Contracting “I’m Right, You’re Wrong” Disease?

March 3, 2010 by
Filed under: "To Do" List, Leadership, Professional Growth, Surviving Lousy Leaders 

Learn & LeadIt’s time to add another malady to the long list of things that bedevil the many lousy leaders walking unencumbered through our workplaces.  It’s called, “I’m Right and You’re Wrong” (IRYW) disease, and while it’s not fatal, it’s clearly annoying to people and debilitating to performance.

Frankly, leaders that suffer from IRYW disease just piss other people off, while stifling creativity and innovation and casually squashing the souls of everyone they encounter.

IRYW sufferers take on many forms, depending upon how far along the disease is in warping their personalities. You might recognize it in one of the following forms:

  • The boss that encourages input but never takes it. Ever.
  • The boss or co-worker that gets visibly angry when someone disagrees with him/her.
  • The manager that habitually throws dissenters under the bus.
  • The manager or co-worker that always has to have the last word.
  • The leaders that look at you as if you’ve grown two heads when you gather up the courage to share an idea or offer an alternative option.

Unfortunately, we run into this malady in our personal lives as well.  We almost all have the relative or friend that is the self-anointed expert and this can be particularly problematic in households when it is a significant other or even an in-law.  Feel free to offer up your own coping strategies from these examples…we’ll all learn in the process.

How You Can Avoid Catching “I’m Right, You’re Wrong” Disease:

-Take a daily dose of humility. Remind yourself when you walk in the door that your role is to help others to succeed, not to show everyone how smart you are.

-Set up an early warning system. While granted that it takes a fair amount of emotional intelligence to recognize that this is good, many brilliant and successful leaders cultivate peer relationships where they encourage feedback, including the “quit acting like a jerk” kind.  I’ve had two of these colleagues for years, and their occasional clubbing over the head has been remarkably helpful.

-While it’s cliché, hire people smarter than you. Do this right and you’ll not only gain the benefits of their considerable intelligence, but you’ll double your efforts to help them and earn their respect, as you certainly won’t be able to play and get away with IRYW.

-Stay out of environments where you might be tempted to incorrectly assert yourself and damage the group dynamics.  Some bosses have no business in group brainstorming sessions.  If you’re one, find something else to do.

Surviving a Boss with “I’m Right, You’re Wrong” Disease:

-Recognize that for this individual, it’s really important to feel like they are right. Since were not psychologists here, we’ll have to pass on analyzing childhood issues or assessing other compensating factors and fous on developing some patience.

-A fair number of IRYW sufferers are harmless. They revel in their own seeming brilliance, but their survival instinct allows them to accept ideas and input…especially if they think they prompted the ideas.  Again, we’re not psychologists, but you should use some psychology here.  Hey, if you are as smart as you think you are, this one should be easy!

-For those that are in the advanced and more dangerous stages of IRYW, this is truly a challenge.  I have no qualms attempting to give my boss quality feedback, even if I’m politely telling her that she is an ass, but in these lean job times, many will shy away from that tactic.  Either develop moral courage, developing a coping strategy or start looking.

-If this boss provides you latitude to do your work, stay out of his/her way, execute, provide clear, formal updates and if you face a controversial decision, ask for input.  Your very professional demeanor may have a neutralizing affect (to some extent) and your asking for input is a reasonable form of managing upwards in this case.

If you as readers have any other advice, we’re all ears!

The Bottom-Line for Now:

Make no bones about it, my emphasis is on working with good people wanting to become great.  The failing in all of the writing and talking about effective leadership is that the lousy leaders rarely pay attention and definitely don’t recognize themselves.  To those non-readers, enjoy your life  For those of you aspiring and growing as professionals, take this as a polite reminder that you don’t need to be right all of the time.  If you suddenly finding everyone agreeing with you, you may want to phone a friend and ask for a quick attitude adjustment.

Share|

Tags: , , ,

Comments

10 Comments on Beware Contracting “I’m Right, You’re Wrong” Disease?

  1. Robert Comer on Wed, 3rd Mar 2010 2:51 pm

    2. What is a lousy leader? I say too much self importance. We all want to be special and we are. But any leader really won’t know how to be special unless they can look beyond their own view points. Two heads are better than one and one head is better than two when it is one. A little lesson in Zen Management for today. Yes I made up that Koan hope you don’t mind. Have a great day.

    Good post Art

  2. Art Petty on Wed, 3rd Mar 2010 2:55 pm

    3. Thanks, Bob for the creativity, the good thoughts and the chuckle! -Art

  3. Gene on Wed, 3rd Mar 2010 4:34 pm

    4. Art,

    Great article to which enforces the concept of teamwork. I thoroughly enjoy working in teams and it always seems one of the IRYW forms sneaks through. I appreciate your advice to help work with these culprits of inefficiency.

    Thank you,
    Gene

  4. Andrew Goodwater on Thu, 4th Mar 2010 10:23 pm

    5. I am working for a company where if you are not open to other co-workers ideas and suggestions you are screwed. There is different machines everywhere you look. You have to be humble. I might know more about one machine than someone else or vice versa. Also I have to call people from all over the world for different ideas.

    Luckily both my bosses are very down to earth. They definitely have more experience and knowledge, but they don’t talk down to me. They are always looking for my opinion and ideas about troubleshooting mills, grinders, lasers and other machinery. In my job certain people are more skilled in some areas while others are more skilled in another area.

  5. Joe Bradshaw on Sat, 6th Mar 2010 6:21 pm

    6. Great Post Art,

    Dealing with a leader or superior that has a case of IRYW is clearly a frustrating part of man people’s daily work routine. I have found that most of the time when dealing with Bosses and superiors with IRYW the discussion is just used as the Boss’ method of justifying their original position, basically needing to hear a voice externally to verify their own thoughts. But communication is a listen and respond exercise, so I like to clearly listen to the first idea so I can just make minor changes to that and then it doesn’t seem like a different opinion just tinkering to the already correct Idea.

    thanks
    Joe

  6. Wade Anderson on Sun, 7th Mar 2010 6:06 pm

    7. I have to say that the avoid having the last word advice is great. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had co-workers who have had this and have caused conflicts to extend far longer than they should have because everyone wants the last word. It truly is wise to just eat something occasionally and move on.

  7. Art Petty on Sun, 7th Mar 2010 6:19 pm

    8. Thanks to all for reading and sharing. Wade, truly wise guidance on just swallowing that last word and avoiding any form of escalation. -Art

  8. David Reuter on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 12:10 am

    9. Art, thanks for the post. It is really difficult when you have to work for an IRYW boss. It can be demoralizing. It stifles creativity, and it will eventually stunt your professional growth. In addition, I find it very difficult to imagine an IRYW individual changing.

  9. Yung Hua on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 11:22 am

    10. Art,

    Great points, I’ve seen people with IRYW syndromes in all levels of the company hierarchy. Great strategies to keep yourself from getting IRYW as well as work with people who have this syndrome, especially your boss! In addition, being right all of the time won’t give you much in the way of learning. If you can’t continue to learn where does that leave you?

  10. Ali Ahmadian on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 1:28 pm

    11. Thanks for the post, Art. I think it comes to mutual respect that gets forgotten at workplace sometimes because there is usually no democracy at a workplace!

    I think if a boss shows a IRYW attitude he should be open to employees give her the same type of attitude back.

    I love your advice about hiring people who are smarter than you. How would one deal with his/her insecurities if he/she was to hire someone smarter?! Wouldn’t one seek to manage everything that person does to mask his/her insecurity?

Tell me what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!





  • Art Petty

    picture of Art Petty

  • e-Newsletter Sign-Up

     

     

  • Lead Change Member

Blog Subscriptions

Email:

RSS Feed Subscribe to Management Excellence

Connect With Me On

View Art Petty's profile on LinkedIn
Art Petty on Twitter