Apologies are everywhere these days. I wrote a post on leaders and apologies last week, and this week, Letterman is in the news apologizing to Sarah Palin for a joke that went awry.

Yesterday, as I prepared to get even with my evil Telco provider by dropping them like a bad habit, I ran square into an onslaught of apologies followed by a brazen sales pitch. What follows is my own recollection of events during this phone call.

In a world where Dilbert meets Seinfeld…a funny, bizarre and slightly twisted place, I was exposed to the latest sales pitch of my phone/internet and wannabe television service provider. It went something like this:

Me: “I’m calling to drop my service. I’ve had enough. I’m going with cable for internet.”

Big Telco Rep: “I’m sorry for your troubles.  Have you heard about our latest “universal” offering? It fixes all of those problems. Now about your package, we need to get you off of cable and on to our latest and greatest new service. How many TVs do you have?”

There it was. Without batting an eye over my threat to discontinue service, this rep offered a short and even genuine sounding apology for all the past misdeeds of service interruptions, nefarious contract commitments and endless conversations with Gertrude who sounded strangely like she was in a call center in some country that doesn’t speak English as a first language.

Coincidentally this new “universal” service eliminates your cable or satellite provider, takes over your phone service, and ensures that every single communicating device in your household is now dependent on the same company that can’t keep my DSL internet running much longer or faster than a man on horseback delivering mail for the pony express.

The apology was supposed to make things right for all of the wrongs. This rep was good. I mentioned a neighbor’s frustration with the new universal service and he apologized. “I’m sorry for that,” he stated.

I ratcheted up my rant with him on the internet. “Did you know that your DSL internet service stands for dog-slow and lame,” I added with satisfaction, knowing that he would have no retort to that playground taunt. (Sorry to owners of fast dogs!)

He chuckled and added, “I’m sorry. Now, do your children use a gaming system on the internet?”

This guy was really good.

Other than a few grumbles over past use of contract commitments…”We don’t use those anymore,” and my momentary, “Aha, I bet you jack up the rate after a year!” exclamation, which he assured me was not the case, I was out of ammo.

Me: “OK, we’ve got four televisions and you better be prepared to give me your best rate…”

I might just go with him. But first, I’ve got to call my cable provider and give them a piece of my mind. I better hear some darned good apologies! Maybe even real remorse and a few months of free service.