Leadership Caffeine: 9 Ideas for Strengthening Your Self-Esteem
Filed under: "To Do" List, Leadership, Leadership Caffeine, Performance, Professional Growth
One definition of self-esteem reflects, “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities.” Another source, psychologist and author, Dr. Nathaniel Branden, offers: “Self-esteem is the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness.”
While typically not a topic discussed over coffee, many leaders struggle with issues of low self-esteem. They question their abilities to cope with the problems at hand, they often doubt they are worthy of the position of leadership they occupy, and they most definitely agonize quietly over much of their professional existence. Others manifest their low self-esteem with over-the-top aggressiveness and strong controlling behaviors.
Regardless of how the self-esteem issue is expressed, the sufferers struggle with a debilitating level of self-doubt. Unfounded criticism and minor setbacks easily derail the positive thought train. Instead of pursuing success, the leader with low self-esteem settles for a kind of tortured survival.
(Note: if you feel chronically depressed, please seek professional medical or counseling assistance.)
Nine Ideas to Help Strengthen Your Leadership Self-Esteem
1. Recognize that you’re not alone. The greatest historical figures and leaders throughout history struggled with self-doubt, and many of the most outwardly confident leaders battle this same issue in private. You are most definitely not alone.
2. Cultivate “bigger purpose” thinking about your job. The focus on a large and compelling mission promotes action and helps set priorities. It also sets the stage for self-esteem reinforcing behaviors and achievements.
I crafted my Leader’s Charter to remind me of my true role as a leader and serve as my “bigger purpose.” A few moments reviewing and reflecting upon The Charter every morning, does wonders for your attitude and for providing a strong reason for being.
The Leader’s Charter:
Your primary role as a leader is to:
-Create an environment that facilitates high individual and team performance
-Support innovation in process, programs and approaches
-Encourage collaboration where necessary
and
-Promote the development of your associates in roles that leverage their talents and that challenge them to pursue new and greater accomplishments.
With all of that “purpose” to focus on, it’s hard to spend time wondering whether you are up to the job. Your actions and approaches towards others are inherent in The Charter. And as you live your day(s) according to the concepts, you cannot help but produce small victories. These small victories are rocket-fuel for self-esteem.
3. Small victories count! Keep tabs on yours. Keep a list of the small victories to reinforce your growing self-esteem and good attitude. And remember to share the wealth by celebrating or praising the positive accomplishments of others. Your positive praise helps others build their own self-esteem.
4. Read something inspirational. My own doses of self-esteem fuel come from biographies of historical figures who battled overwhelming odds, only to succeed. It’s amazing what looking at a truly bad situation faced by someone else will do to put your own situation in perspective.
5. Trust feedback from trusted sources. Not all feedback and not all feedback providers are created equal. The comment from an audience member recently regarding a concept that I “failed to develop” on one of my slides was interesting but frankly irrelevant. The talk had been a success however, it clearly bugged this guy that I had not expanded upon the issue he felt so passionately about. I suggested he make it a self-study topic.
6. Pull out of a stall. Take action. Actions…and movement are important steps in building self-esteem. An internal preoccupation on your supposed negatives coupled with no action is truly self-reinforcing.
7. Focus your actions on your strengths. Just for a few moments, forget about the weaknesses that you believe are holding you back. Preoccupying on your weaknesses reinforces low self-esteem thinking.
8. Don’t overlook your physical appearance. Focus on getting in shape, losing weight, getting a better haircut and/or improving your style of dress. Much of our self-esteem flows from how we feel about our looks and physical presence.
9. Selectively take action to strengthen weaknesses. As the small victories pile up, and as you build upon your strengths and refocus your efforts around your priorities (The Charter), selectively identify weaknesses to strengthen and take action. Buy and read and apply the lessons in a self-help book, take a course or seek a mentor to guide your efforts and offer reinforcement.
The Bottom-Line for Now:
Your self-esteem is an intensely personal issue that impacts others and affects your ability to succeed. A strong sense of your own self-worth is important for building self-confidence, and self-confidence is an important ingredient for success as a leader. If you’re struggling with a sense of low-self esteem, it’s important to do something. Try the items on the list, add in others, and if you’re still struggling seek help. You deserve a strong self-esteem, and your colleagues deserve a leader with enough self-confidence to help them strive and succeed.
Management Week in Review for January 28, 2011
Note from Art: every Friday, I share three thought-provoking management posts for the week. Fair warning: I take a broad view of management, so my selections will range from leadership to innovation to finance and personal development and beyond.
This week’s selections feature content on dealing with difficult people, learning and avoiding the pitfalls of inexperienced management teams, and recognizing the need as leaders to appeal to the hearts of the people on our teams.
From Jennifer V. Miller at The People Equation, “Dealing with People Who Suck.”
Jennifer always leave me thinking, and her post this week fits in wonderfully with my own “dealing with difficult people” theme here at Management Excellence this week. You will quickly recognize the subject of this post…and perhaps you have one of these “Human Hoovers” sitting near you at work. What’s the right response to these individuals who missed out on the day when “reciprocity” was taught in grade-school? Read the post to find out!
From the post: “But there’s a shadow side too. There are those few people for whom reciprocity seems a foreign concept. They’re like the Human Hoovers of the workplace—sucking up all they can manage to get in the name of self-interest. Vacuums are a very effective appliance to use at home, but a real pain to have to deal with as a co-worker.”
From Steve Tobak at The Corner Office, “Top 10 Pitfalls of Inexperienced Management Teams.”
As I mentioned in an earlier Week in Review piece, Steve is on my “must read every post” list. In this one, he describes his view on some of the most common missteps of inexperienced management teams when it comes to scaling their businesses. He appropriately caps off the post with an indication that experienced managers might just have their own set of unique and equally dangerous pitfalls. Experienced or inexperienced, the “Top 10″ are real and important to avoid.
From the post: “Now, I wouldn’t begrudge anyone the unique growth experience of learning from his own mistakes, especially the wisdom and humility that only failure can impart on the executive ego. That said, savvy managers listen to the voice of experience. They may choose to ignore the advice, but they still listen. Information is power, forewarned is forearmed, and all that.”
From Jeffrey Pfeffer, writing at HBR Blogs: “Is Obama Gaining Power with Every Speech? (Are you?)
I interviewed Jeffrey last summer at the time of release of his latest book, Power-Why Some People Have it and Others Don’t, and have been a fan ever since. The topic is relevant for all of us not only for our success, but even our health, as Pfeffer highlights in his book. His take in this latest post on our need as leaders to move others by appealing to their hearts is an important one. While the focus is on the President’s latest speeches, he provides some interesting parallels t0 other successful business leaders.
From the post: “Business speech is surely not, on average, more stirring than political speech. It consists mostly of the language of rationality presented in forms that go on too long and benumb rather than inspire employees. But the business leaders who stand out show the power of breaking that mold.”
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OK, that’s it for the week. Enjoy your weekend! I’ll be back Monday with a fresh cup of Leadership Caffeine.
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About Art Petty: Art coaches high potential professionals and develops and delivers workshops and programs on leadership, professional development and building high performance teams. Contact Art to discuss your needs for a program or keynote.
And whether you are an experienced leader seeking to revitalize and develop as a professional, or, a new leader looking for guidance on starting up successfully, check out Art’s book with Rich Petro, Practical Lessons in Leadership at Amazon.com.
How to Handle a Feedback Attack from Your Boss
Filed under: "To Do" List, Career, Leadership, Professional Growth, Surviving Lousy Leaders
In spite of the best efforts of those of us that write and coach on leadership and feedback, there are still too many managers that wouldn’t know how to construct an effective feedback discussion if their leadership lives depended on it.
The tales that particularly bother me are the ones where the hard working employee is on the receiving end of a long laundry list of vague criticisms lacking supporting examples, and with expiration dates of many, many months ago.
These unfortunate feedback discussions are all about ego on the part of the giver and are perceived as a sneak attack by the receiver. The giver walks away feeling like he executed on his management tasks, and the receiver walks away feeling like he was executed. People appropriately describe feeling angry, confused, frustrated and depressed after one or more feedback attacks.
While there’s no doubt this is a tough situation for the receiver, there are a number of strategies that can take the sting out of the attack and potentially help build or repair your relationship with your boss in the process.
Fair warning! There are no guarantees in life or in attempting to rehabilitate a Feedback Attacker from a position of weakeness. Nonetheless, you owe it to yourself, your boss and your career to try.
8 Strategies for Successfully Managing A Feedback Attack
1. Resist the Urge to Counter-Attack-It’s normal for you to feel the range of emotions, including outrage and anger or extreme disappointment during a full-scale feedback attack. Earlier in my career, I would respond to a frontal assault with equal energy, and more than a couple of these discussions dissolved into something that I’m not proud of.
My hard-earned guidance is to recognize the situation for what it is, tell your mind and body to relax, and focus all of your energy on active listening. Your calm demeanor and attentiveness alone are enough to take a bit of wind out of the sails of some Feedback Attackers. And most important of all, you need your wits about you, you need good notes and you need a clear mind to look for the good.
2. Recognize the Situation as a Process, Not an Event-The Feedback Attacker created an event, but you need to manage this as a multi-step process. You’ve already lost the skirmish and now you need to be able to walk away with good intel and all of your body parts, not to mention your job, still intact.
3. Don’t Confuse the Messenger’s Style and Incompetence with the Message-This is my nice way of offering that sometimes there are nuggets of gold buried deep inside the heaping piles of feedback dung surrounding you. It is your job to put on the gloves and dig through the piles for anything of value.
4. Ask Questions, But Be Careful-Good, active listening involves you asking clarifying questions and ultimately, restating the answers in your own words and seeking confirmation. My caution on this one is that most Feedback Attackers are on pretty thin ice with their evidence. They don’t have reasonable answers or specifics for your good and appropriate questions, and if you persist in pushing on the questions, you will leave them no choice but to assert ego and position. It’s easy to perceive and to mistake when a feedback receiver has shifted from the conversation at hand to building evidence for HR. It’s not time to go there yet.
5. Seek First to Understand-Don’t leave the conversation without summarizing and restating the Attacker’s concerns. Forget for a moment that in your mind it is unfounded. You must understand the concerns, no matter how vague.
6. Manage the Go-Forward Process-Most Feedback Attackers not only cannot substantiate their issues, they have no idea how to guide you on improving. It is essential that you seek agreement to come back to your boss with your thoughts on making and monitoring your improvement progress. Indicate your interest in sitting down to discuss progress and to ask questions on a regular basis going forward. And then do it! Along the way, you will show your interest in listening and improving, you will show your respect and you will be actively crafting your next review in real time with mutually developed evidence.
7. Work Harder at Managing Your Boss-The feedback process is often massacred by inexperienced and/or insecure managers that truly don’t know what to do. You can respond with outrage and risk becoming a victim or, you can suck it up and work harder at understanding the issues, challenges and priorities of your boss, and then helping him or her with those priorities. Your active interest and visible support for your boss may eliminate the chances of future feedback attacks. In fact, you might just forge a good working relationship along the way.
And finally:
8. Don’t Fool Yourself By Being a Fool-If the boss is truly a Grade-A jerk and your attempts at building a bridge are met with more dynamite, you are not going to win. You can HOPE (a bad strategy) that he/she will go somewhere else, but you’ve got to face reality. You may need to vote yourself off the island.
The Bottom-Line for Now:
Feedback Attackers are petty tyrants and inexperienced leaders seeking to establish authority through control. While fighting back might feel right in the moment, it’s never the right thing to do. Don’t ignore the attack…it is very real and that attitude from your boss is a warning sign. Instead, politely and professionally grab control of the process and genuinely work to improve and to communicate. You might just be helping someone grow up as a leader while you are protecting and enhancing your job.
Leadership Caffeine: If You’re Walking on Eggshells, Something is Wrong
Filed under: Career, Leadership, Leadership Caffeine, Performance, Professional Growth
Overheard from Various Managers:
“I have to walk on eggshells around her.”
“He’s volatile, and I don’t want to upset him, so I steer clear and let him do his thing.”
“I’m afraid to confront her.”
“He’s too valuable to the firm, so we all kind of look the other way.”
How Much Energy are You Expending Trying to Walk on Eggshells?
While it’s doubtful that many of us have ever literally attempted to walk on eggshells, the phrase is idiomatic for those situations where we are fearful of confronting or even engaging with someone lest we draw their attention or raise their ire. I reference these individuals as Attitude Bullies.
As an early career leader, I recall one individual who masterfully exuded disdain and annoyance every time I approached him. Whether it was real or just an act to keep the boss away, it worked until I recognized that I could not do my job while ignoring this character.
I’ve observed as other individuals have allowed toxic employees to manipulate team and office dynamics by creating an “aura of fear” to keep people in check.
And in what may be the most commonplace of all situations, many leaders excuse the behavior of these characters by rationalizing the situation. “He’s the best at (insert activity), and we can’t afford to lose him.”
If you can relate to any of the situations above, or, if you have your own special Attitude Bully that you find yourself “walking on eggshells” for, it’s time solve this problem.
(Note: my focus here is on situations where your primary fear is, “fear of reaction.” If you sense fear of physical reprisal, stop reading and engage your manager and HR department immediately.)
Six Ideas for Clearing Away the Eggshells and Coping with Attitude Bullies:
1. Engage. Your instinct is to avoid and ignore. Do the opposite. You need to cultivate a formal boss to employee relationship with the individual in question. Without engaging fairly and professionally with the Attitude Bully in question, you have no behavioral basis for feedback, coaching or ultimately, some form of discipline, including termination.
2. Clarify Accountability. The Attitude Bully understands that his/her approach results in different standards for accountability compared to the broader population. You need to eliminate any opportunity for a double standard by clarifying the individual’s responsibility for results. And while some feedback purists may disagree, the results include actual outcomes as well as process and engagement quality. One manager used post-project performance evaluations from team members and the project manager to facilitate discussions on interpersonal approach, attitude and other behaviors. Regardless of approach, the Attitude Bully must understand what they are accountable for in terms of results and workplace behaviors.
3. Observe Often, Reinforce Positives and Tackle Negatives. Neither the Attitude Bully or anyone around you will take you seriously until you hold this person accountable for their results and for their behavior. The best way to manage this situation is to observe the individual’s work with others as much as possible. If the individual is a true individual contributor without much team involvement, it’s all on your shoulders to engage often enough to offer quality, behavioral feedback. Tackle performance issues immediately and provide positive feedback as long as it is merited.
4. Warning! Don’t Apologize or Attempt to Praise Your Way Forward. It takes time for some managers to overcome their fear of Attitude Bullies, and those initial steps to engage are awkward and even frightening for some. Beware the tendency to engage by apologizing for your intrusion, and resist the urge to offer positive praise for behaviors that simply meet the standards that everyone else is accountable for. You only weaken your case with the Attitude Bully when he observes your visible discomfort via false praise or excessive apologizing.
5. Build on Progress. More than a few Attitude Bullies have responded to appropriate attention from the boss by becoming productive members of the workplace environment. While I’m practicing without a license on this one, I suspect that some behaviors are cries for attention and for respect. Your willingness to pay attention to someone is a powerful motivator. As you observe positive progress, offer appropriate feedback and importantly, test the relationship by extending your trust on workplace responsibilities. Assuming that your trust is rewarded with results, keep it going.
6. Cut Your Losses. There’s a managerial due diligence process (different than a formal HR process) when it comes to dealing with Attitude Bullies. Your intent going into the “adjustment” process should not be to fire, but to help. Follow the guidelines above, provide clear feedback, document your interactions, and look for progress.
At the end of the day, if you are doing your job as a manager, your involvement will neutralize and even help the individual reform, or, you will have the basis for moving down the path of purging this workplace toxin. Ultimately, your issue is not about attitude, but rather about dealing with performance issues. You’ve got to engage to manage.
The Bottom-Line for Now:
Too many managers spend too much time walking on eggshells. They either avoid the Attitude Bullies or, they deal with them in a manner that reinforces aberrant behaviors. You’re much better suited to sweep the eggshells out of the way and engage to either build a better relationship or establish the basis for ending the relationship. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help from a mentor. Your only mistake here is to continue to try and defy physics and walk across the eggshells. You’ll crush something along the way, and it may be your future prospects in your firm.
Management Week in Review for January 21, 2011
Filed under: "To Do" List, Leadership, Professional Growth
Note from Art: every Friday, I share three thought-provoking management posts for the week. Fair warning: I take a broad view of management, so my selections will range from leadership to innovation to finance and personal development and beyond.
This week’s selections feature content on writing a great speech, overcoming those personal issues that limit your success and words of wisdom from an advertising giant via a management giant.
Enjoy!
From Nick Morgan at Public Words, How to Write a Great Speech: 5 Secrets for Success.
Frankly, Nick could easily write, How to Write a Great Post Every Time. I cannot quit reading this thoughtful and professional communications expert, and I look forward to every new post from him. This particular piece offers Nick’s usual great insights, wrapped inside a fascinating career story that feels similar to something we might all have experienced at one point in time.
From the post: “David was not my favorite person in the world that week, or for a number of weeks after. But in the end I realized that in being tough on me he had given me an enormous gift: he had taught me how to push myself to do better than I thought I possibly could. And he taught me how to write a speech. In the real world.”
From Steve Tobak at The Corner Office: What’s the One Thing Limiting Your Success?
This week’s Review is turning into a list of bloggers that Art reads daily. Steve Tobak’s work is just fabulous. He manages to hit the most provocative topics in leadership and senior management in the most provocative ways. And while I don’t agree with him all of the time, he leaves me thinking every time. The title of this post speaks for itself, and will leave you thinking.
From the post: “Address your weakness. Sounds sort of obvious, doesn’t it? But it got me thinking, how many people really 1) know what’s limiting their success and, 2) force themselves to do something about it?”
From Tom Peters: The Wisdom of David Ogilvy.
I lost track of Tom’s work until his latest book, and like the bloggers above, I turn to him regularly for ideas, inspiration and some of the best common sense on the planet. In my opinion, Tom has mastered the art of writing in memorable, motivational sound bites. This post offers up some remarkable thoughts from another master of communications, the late advertising giant, David Ogilvy.
From the post: “At an event in Manila sponsored by Ogilvy & Mather, I received as a gift D.O.: The unpublished papers of David Ogilvy—a selection of his writings from the files of his partners. I am a longtime fan of Ogilvy, and found it to be a sterling gift. Here are a few of the gems I unearthed:”
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OK, that’s it for the week. I’ll be back Monday with a fresh cup of Leadership Caffeine.
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About Art Petty: Art mentors high potential professionals and develops and delivers workshops and programs on leadership, professional development and building high performance teams. Contact Art to discuss your needs for a program or keynote.
And whether you are an experienced leader seeking to revitalize and develop as a professional, or, a new leader looking for guidance on starting up successfully, check out Art’s book with Rich Petro, Practical Lessons in Leadership at Amazon.com.
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