Comments on: A Fresh Voice and Leadership and the Art of Apology http://artpetty.com/2009/06/11/a-fresh-voice-and-leadership-and-the-art-of-apology/ Leadership, Management and Professional Development Mon, 21 May 2012 11:19:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Gwyn Teatro http://artpetty.com/2009/06/11/a-fresh-voice-and-leadership-and-the-art-of-apology/#comment-4443 Gwyn Teatro Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:54:06 +0000 http://artpetty.com/?p=1944#comment-4443 I'm thinking about what you have been saying about values having teeth. And I'm thinking that, as values must have teeth to be effective, apologies must have substance. For me, that means a real apology contains three things: 1)authentic remorse 2) a tangible lesson 3) a strong dose of humility. For instance, if I was to say to someone "I'm sorry you feel that way" or I'm sorry if I offended you" I'd have to say that was "apology lite", if an apology at all. And, like you, I get really irked when I hear senior government officials apologizing for things that happened long ago especially in cases where all of the perpetrators and all of their victims are long dead. Those instances are historical and belong under the category of "This is what happened. Let's not do it again" If there is an apology but no recognition that something has to be done differently, or better, in future then, to me, it is pretty hollow and does little but to make the "apologizer" feel better about him/herself. And if there is little or no attempt to ask the person or people who have been offended what you can to do to make it right for them then it lacks humility. I like Fred's remarks, that there is a significant difference between "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong". The former is ambiguous, the latter quite clear. I rambled a bit, Art...but I'm not sorry. An excellent, thought-provoking post! I’m thinking about what you have been saying about values having teeth. And I’m thinking that, as values must have teeth to be effective, apologies must have substance. For me, that means a real apology contains three things: 1)authentic remorse 2) a tangible lesson 3) a strong dose of humility.

For instance, if I was to say to someone “I’m sorry you feel that way” or I’m sorry if I offended you” I’d have to say that was “apology lite”, if an apology at all. And, like you, I get really irked when I hear senior government officials apologizing for things that happened long ago especially in cases where all of the perpetrators and all of their victims are long dead. Those instances are historical and belong under the category of “This is what happened. Let’s not do it again”

If there is an apology but no recognition that something has to be done differently, or better, in future then, to me, it is pretty hollow and does little but to make the “apologizer” feel better about him/herself.

And if there is little or no attempt to ask the person or people who have been offended what you can to do to make it right for them then it lacks humility.

I like Fred’s remarks, that there is a significant difference between “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong”. The former is ambiguous, the latter quite clear.

I rambled a bit, Art…but I’m not sorry.

An excellent, thought-provoking post!

]]> By: Fred H Schlegel http://artpetty.com/2009/06/11/a-fresh-voice-and-leadership-and-the-art-of-apology/#comment-4438 Fred H Schlegel Thu, 11 Jun 2009 20:51:08 +0000 http://artpetty.com/?p=1944#comment-4438 Your thought points cover the subject well, although I think I would separate the discussion of 'I'm Sorry' from 'I was wrong.' Especially when it comes to performance learning from mistakes is part of the process of improving a process. So unless negligence (or similar) was involved an apology doesn't necessarily make sense. Your thought points cover the subject well, although I think I would separate the discussion of ‘I’m Sorry’ from ‘I was wrong.’ Especially when it comes to performance learning from mistakes is part of the process of improving a process. So unless negligence (or similar) was involved an apology doesn’t necessarily make sense.

]]> By: Art Petty http://artpetty.com/2009/06/11/a-fresh-voice-and-leadership-and-the-art-of-apology/#comment-4434 Art Petty Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:37:48 +0000 http://artpetty.com/?p=1944#comment-4434 Wally, good guidelines on the "hurt or inconvenience" and the cautionary tale on apologizing for performance. You tend to distill into a few words what I can only say in several hundred! Thanks as always. Art Wally, good guidelines on the “hurt or inconvenience” and the cautionary tale on apologizing for performance. You tend to distill into a few words what I can only say in several hundred! Thanks as always.

Art

]]> By: Wally Bock http://artpetty.com/2009/06/11/a-fresh-voice-and-leadership-and-the-art-of-apology/#comment-4431 Wally Bock Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:21:07 +0000 http://artpetty.com/?p=1944#comment-4431 Great post about an under-discussed topic. Our team members will watch what we do for clues about what we think is important and how we think they should act. I suggest that to my clients to apologize for behavior that hurts or inconveniences another person, but to be very careful about apologizing for performance. If we're in a performance culture, performance is data. The only other thing I would add is that apologizing with words is often not enough. Often some action is appropriate and without that action the apology is perceived as hollow. Great post about an under-discussed topic. Our team members will watch what we do for clues about what we think is important and how we think they should act. I suggest that to my clients to apologize for behavior that hurts or inconveniences another person, but to be very careful about apologizing for performance. If we’re in a performance culture, performance is data.

The only other thing I would add is that apologizing with words is often not enough. Often some action is appropriate and without that action the apology is perceived as hollow.

]]> By: Art Petty http://artpetty.com/2009/06/11/a-fresh-voice-and-leadership-and-the-art-of-apology/#comment-4429 Art Petty Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:11:45 +0000 http://artpetty.com/?p=1944#comment-4429 Scott, thanks for starting the ball rolling. I agree, no navel gazing, and I like your take on the impact that the "pragmatic" apology might have on the team culture. -Art Scott, thanks for starting the ball rolling. I agree, no navel gazing, and I like your take on the impact that the “pragmatic” apology might have on the team culture. -Art

]]> By: Scott Booher http://artpetty.com/2009/06/11/a-fresh-voice-and-leadership-and-the-art-of-apology/#comment-4428 Scott Booher Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:05:27 +0000 http://artpetty.com/?p=1944#comment-4428 Art, a good post, thanks. I agree that an apology or recognition by oneself that a mistake was made can actually be a powerful thing - not in the sense that we should all take a lot of time pondering our navels in front of each other, but in how a pragmatic approach to recognizing errors made can help to keep the team focus on progress, rather than on the blame game. Staff who see a leader admit a mistake in a pragmatic way are probably more likely to do the same rather than covering up a mess, etc. The focus in meetings becomes one of getting through the issues rather than the back-and-forth of assigning blame and keeping score. -Scott Art, a good post, thanks. I agree that an apology or recognition by oneself that a mistake was made can actually be a powerful thing – not in the sense that we should all take a lot of time pondering our navels in front of each other, but in how a pragmatic approach to recognizing errors made can help to keep the team focus on progress, rather than on the blame game.

Staff who see a leader admit a mistake in a pragmatic way are probably more likely to do the same rather than covering up a mess, etc. The focus in meetings becomes one of getting through the issues rather than the back-and-forth of assigning blame and keeping score.

-Scott

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